The First Wrinkle

Well dang, there I was doing so well at making an obligatory post without missing a single day before this happened. Even with that cold I still managed to put some stuff out even though it wasn’t super long or fact filled. Well there’s the first of a new category of lessons, we all fall down sometimes. We all have lapses in priority or concentration. But that’s okay.

Sure we all fall down sometimes and sure some of us take a little bit longer to get back up, but the fact of the matter is; we always get up again. Falling down; failure, is practically a requirement of learning. Eventually you may get to the point where a fall feels more like a stumble than an actual fall! A point where by the time you’ve begun falling you’re already started on picking yourself back up again!

I’m back to travelling around a little bit, even though it’s still within the borders of Canada. Today I’m off to London! It’s a lot smaller than Toronto but it’s got great people, a lot of my high school friends went to college there, and it’s got some delightful little clubs! I’d recommend Lavish if you were in a clubbing mood while visiting, it’s got a much nicer and more welcoming vibe than most of the other clubs I’ve visited there. Plus it’s lgbtq+ so however you identify you should be welcomed with open arms!

I’ll be running around the city a bunch over the next few days so we’ll see if I manage to snap some cool pictures of the area. I make no promises though since I’m planning to be mostly indoors and since there shall be festivities I’m not sure how often I’ll have those quiet shutterbug moments. I’ll try to seek some of them out though, maybe a shot of a rooftop patio or something haha.

Anyways it’s going to be great getting back into the swing of things, I’ll be trying to once again post once a day so things should pick right back up! And if not than I blame my London friends and I’ll be back up to a regular posting schedule the second I leave that place! I look forward to getting back in touch with all of you and making this blog begin to grow again! I hope you’ve all been growing in whatever aspects of life interest you as well!

Peace, love, and tranquil vibes,

C.C.

Shadows

Shadows creeping, world quieting, daily fire becomes snuffed out.

Silence growing, stillness surrounding, even a whisper becomes a shout.

This is my favourite time of day,

When peoples masks shed and the truth comes out to play.

There’s a certain tranquility in that frozen world the comes after day,

If we could remain anywhere, that’s where I’d stay.

Warm breeze blowing, gentle as a lovers touch, that warm windy caress, I love it so much.

There’s a perfect solitude that lasts for so long, it’s quick but eternal, yet suddenly gone.

The moment passes as the sky meets the sea, from that smooth tranquil hold, the world is set free.

This was a short one but it’s about my favourite time of day, it’s the most beautiful time in the world. Everything is still and silently beautiful, I love it.

Peace, love, and tranquil vibes,

C.C.

Drunk

You, spitting rain

Gap toothed grin

Arms still, mind shaking

Parched brain, glass breaking

Drunk.

That’s what you are, isn’t it?

Sloshed, sullied, inebriated, walking through an earthquake

‘No I’m fine’ he says as he trips down the hall.

Too pushy, arms wandering, eyes rolling, overconfident, there’s no way this teenage tower could fall, Drunk.

Less than honourable, girl passed out, wasted opportunity, just can’t pass by,

Hunk. That’s what you are isn’t it? Any girl should feel lucky to have you, that’s what she’ll say once you’re through,

Drunk.

Hazy memories, silk smooth skin, no resistance, glides on in,

We were both drunk.

So that makes it okay right?

It’s no issue because there wasn’t a fight right?

As if the mere lack of aggression excuses your action and means that she’s totally cool, and 100 per cent, down with it.

Drunk.

Pushed back, broken screaming, weight of a thousand actions, drips down your neck.

Girl shouting, dick shrinking, sobered up, prick now finally thinking,

Drunk.

As if any amount of liquor changes the weight of your actions.

Pain blossoms around your back, shins, face, actions that cannot erase, the damage you have done to this poor little girl.

Budding flower, chopped off, quickly wilting, barely thinking, just one word, why?

Why? Why? Why?

He was so normal, just another drunk guy, confusion, anger, hurt, breaks down just to cry, why?

Now I hear that he’s getting off since he’s on the hockey team and they’re expected to go pro.

He never finished getting off so there’s no harm in letting him go.

No one cares about that little girl

Who can’t even go outside without wanting to hurl, dirty.

She rubs herself thin, rapidly removing painted skin, can’t even look at a guy, everyone she looks at seems like him,

Drunk.

Maybe she said yes and doesn’t remember, I mean look at him, star player, and he’s such a hunk.

She probably came onto him, since they were both drunk, gorgeous hockey player, every word just deepens her funk.

No one believes her, ‘its fine he was drunk’, as if that excuses his actions and abuses, of a passed out girl. What the fuck is this world.

This is an old slam I wrote ages ago. ✌🏼

C.C.

Fingers Crossed

I’ve got an audition tomorrow morning and currently getting over a cold so right now I need to just head to bed and pray to whatever powers may be that my throat heals up overnight along with this stuffed up nose.

I’ll let you all know how it went afterwards, it’s the first of two opportunities I’ve got over the next few days. Keep searching out how to open those doors people! Keep advancing! Everyday, even when you’re sick, you’re still advancing in life. Don’t let time spent become a regret, never stop moving, evolving.

Anyways keep it real and do your best to live in the moment, we’re all divine beings, we’ve got this!

Peace, love, and tranquil vibes all,

C.C.

The Boy In A Thunderstorm.

Do you ever feel like you’re freefalling and everything and everyone you’ve ever known or loved is just slipping past your fingertips as you desperately try to regain control?

Cause that’s what I feel like.

I feel like everyone else’s life cycle resembles that of a raindrop, a slow steady fall where they can be lifted and spun around by wind’s encompassing embrace; I feel like a bolt of lightning.

Screams out, dashing down to the ground as quickly as possible

But in all actuality it’s my impact that hits first before they hear my words.

By the time I gather the strength to cry out it’s already happened.

The only thing left is a memory of the scream and maybe an afterimage if you were looking at me.

..it’s all very, brief.

Short lived.

By the time you blink me out of your eyes it’ll be like I never was.

A tiny mark on the ground for where my body landed.

And even this will be washed away in time by the rain I call my friends.

For isn’t that what rain does?

Washes away and purifies?

Though if we go with that

Does that not mean by proxy I was impure?

And if I was impure how does that speak of those who came before me?

The brief bolts of lightning who seared themselves into my brain leaving only a brief afterimage in my memories

A little mark.

Perhaps that is why lightning is forked?

So we can revisit the spots of those who came before

And those who will come again.

Perhaps that is also why the rain resembles teardrops,

they both came from the same place but took different fates

and still the rain will linger as dew drops until it yet too drops,

Just like i did

Only slower.

I cannot conceive which to be the worse fate

That of the rain

Or the one that I take.

.

Well my ear thing fixed itself but now I’ve come down with a cold two days before a commercial audition, really hope it clears up in time or there’s minimal chance I’ll actually get the part. Ugh, why world? Why?

C.C.

I Missed A Flower

I missed a flower.

Not just any but the most

amazing and beautiful

Prettiest penny,

And by a penny I mean to say she’s tiny and finding her in your arms is considered lucky.

I like to think that you resemble a beautiful red rose,

That is to say I clutch you to my chest regardless of the thorns.

You don’t want to hurt me but your spikes keep my wound closed.

A nice dull ache as you’re rooted in ground, I prefer to endure this love loss I’ve found,

Rather than throw the pain away

I’ll keep it in my heart

And love for another day.

.

Than risk bleeding to death without you. Without new. I find flowers enhance their beauty as they slowly fade away.

Please don’t fade on me

But if you do, than that’s okay.

You’ve been rooted before and rooted you’ll stay, I know you’ll bloom again one day.

Even if it’s not for me, but that’s okay. As long as they love you.

.

Here’s once again a different emotion/flavour of poem, I’ll get back to posting more article type posts soon but for now people have been enjoying the poems so they shall continue to pop up!

Peace, love, and tranquil vibes,

C.C.

~A Cigarette Daydream~

Everyone disappears don’t they?

Especially the ones who say they won’t.

You were a cigarette daydream

Warm, fading, and small.

I’m not sure when I became addicted.

But running after you was like trying to catch smoke with your bare hands.

That is to say I had to watch you drift away.

Calling after with smoke filled lungs.

Wishing you would stay.

.

Or maybe I was the smoke.

The daydream.

For I’m losing sense of what is real.

Drifting through life.

Trying to feel.

Something..

One thing?

Anything?

.

Isn’t it beautiful how the wind dances?

In the trees and their leaves, the way it shifts and prances?

I envy the wind.

It’s here until it just..isn’t.

No one cries for the wind.

.

It’s so.

So cold.

I can’t feel my body.

Except for the smoke.

Within my lungs.

Oh, how it used to flow from our tongues.

Those smoke like promises.

To last a thousand suns.

I guess.

They couldn’t even stand.

A single.

Night.

.

I’ve lost myself.

And I.

I can’t see you.

Not anymore.

You’re gone too.

Or maybe here.

But just looked on through.

.

I exist right?

I exist.

I exist.

I exist.

I-I..

.

.

.

So I noticed a lot of people enjoyed The Volcano, this poem was obviously a bit of a different breed from it in terms of both writing style and emotion but I wrote this a year or two before The Volcano when I was in a fairly bad place of my life. Luckily with meditation among other methods I’ve managed to crawl out of that headspace to become the wonderful peace loving, tranquil, hippie soul that I am today. I think in the end I just decided, I don’t care about what career I follow in my life. I didn’t care about following a career. I wanted to find and chase happiness which led me to searching out every possible avenue I could do that from, so I did.

I’m still searching. But the more I travel this world, the more people I meet and places I go? They generate seeds of happiness in my soul. Soon once they’ve sprouted i’ll be able to carry them with me everywhere! Can you picture it? Won’t that just be bliss! Keep chasing your happiness and keep chasing your dreams! You’ll get there, I believe in you. ^-^

Peace, love, and tranquil vibes people,

C.C.

The Volcano

You tell me

Grown men don’t cry.

As a man I am not allowed to cry

As a man I am supposed to rage and shoot fire from my fingertips

And I do not want to relate to that.

I do not want to be the volcano

Smouldering red hot rage

Boiling up

And raining down from the heavens.

I am not the volcano.

And yet I can feel white

hot Molten rage

Flow through my veins

When I think of the way

You told me

Grown men don’t cry.

As if you’d prefer me to build it all up. Whole body shaking

Until cracks breach my skin

And with an almighty roar I fracture

warping everything around me.

Raining down death and destruction indiscriminately

Cause at least that way I’m not the only one who’s hurt.

You’d prefer the volcanic ashes of our love to fall down like feathers

Staining people’s skin with the stories of us. Burning the shadows of ourselves into all of the places we once lived and loved each other.

So that years later once everything has cooled and my heart has hardened up like magma

Others can come and admire the ghosts of our love.

I wonder, can they feel the fear of our final moments?

Moments before I proved you right.

That I was a volcano.

But you, you were the one that set me off. And now I don’t cry

Not because grown men don’t cry

But because the magma in my veins

Pumping through my heart

Has grown cold and hard in your absence.

I both fear and await the day my heart begins to heat back up.

C.C.

(I did mention I’d occasionally post my poetry)

Somewhat Solutions To The Sad Times.

I try not to do straight up lists for blog posts because I feel like i’m cheating myself when I do, they just don’t take much effort and are almost a dime a dozen. However there are occasions where I feel the need to make one, one of those occasions being now. This list is a list of various things which cheer me up a tiny bit or at least help lessen the sadness. Sad times come to us all and it doesn’t make you weak for breaking down, it makes you human. Don’t be afraid to be sad, feel every emotion as fully as you can; they’re what makes this human experience so incredible. But also try not to lurk in the sadness for too long, anyways, here’s what I usually find helps for me.

Just plug in some earbuds and go for a walk. That’s it. Just find a nice chill soundtrack that you enjoy, and breath in that fresh air. Personally I recommend anything from stereotypical hippy music to lo-fi hip hop, one pretty much spreads infectious joy and the other is amazing for thinking through whatever’s aiding you from like a distant perspective. I also believe fresh air helps in most situations, a closer connection to the energy of the earth.

Take off your shoes. Just find a nice warm bit of dirt, rock, sandy beach, or maybe a nice sun spot in a mossy forest. Just being barefoot and having that connection to the earth always feels so incredibly soothing. Plus like my last point, it gets you outside into the fresh air!

Pull out your phone, think of your favourite two shows, type them into google looking for crossover fics that aren’t just lemons. Ever wanted to see Harry Potter as part of The Avengers? Maybe Walking Dead with the characters from The Office? Or if you really need something entertaining search for crack fics, which are basically just sheer nonsensory parodies of whatever that fic is based off of. A personal favourite of mine is The Champion’s Champion by DriftWood1965, it’s a story where Harry lets Ron stand in for him as the triwizard tournament champion and involves fart jokes, giant canaries, and potentially a fire breathing duck. Honestly I highly recommend it although do be aware that they bash on Ron a bit.

Go to BulkBarn and buy some candy! Sure it’s indulging the kid in you but come on, everyone’s got a little bit of a sweet tooth and honestly you probably deserve a treat. That’s this point, indulge yourself. So many times do we neglect ourselves just trying to look after everything around us, while that’s a good thing to do we really need to stop and take more time to look after ourselves. I don’t just mean your physical health but your mental health too, destress! Unplug yourself. Get in touch with even the littlest things that you used to really enjoy but somehow ended up not doing over the years and you don’t really recall when you stopped, just that the habit is dead. Reconnect with yourself.

Honestly peeps, just watch some really adorable cat or dog videos. Heck, cuddle with an actual live cat or dog, or a bird, lizard, snake, whatever types of creatures you find adorable. The point i’m trying to make is there’s so much heckin cuteness out there and we need to enjoy it a little bit more.

Try to astral project. Maybe you’ll manage it, maybe you won’t. But i’m fairly confident it would at least take your mind off of whatever is ailing you. At least for a little bit. Plus as a bonus I find going to bed directly after trying to astral project is simply amazing, as your body is already in such a relaxed and out of it state.

Watch some Youtube videos. Find channels like Dakota Wint’s Dakota Of Earth. Find videos that make you happy, amuse you, distract you, allow you to escape from your life for a little while. Whatever intrigues you can probably be found on youtube, although i’d also recommend looking for binaural beats and meditating while listening to them.

You could also come and read blogs like mine, I mean i’m not one hundred percent certain that i’ll cheer you up but I hope I can at least ease the pain and be a distraction from whatever troubles you. Feel free to poke around my different posts, might find something more to read! There’s not a huge amount right now but i’m building it up at a steady rate, haven’t missed a single day yet! Really hope I didn’t just jinx myself with that one but ah well. I know this wasn’t much so i’ll probably post more on the topic later but that’s all for now.

Peace, love, and tranquil vibes people,

C.C.

I’m a huge sucker for a good beachside firework show ~ C.C.

People Like Golden Retrievers.

Do you ever just have those people who can just smile at you and you’re instantly cheered up? Like their physical presence is so intoxicatingly happy that you just can’t feel bad around them? I think of those people like human golden retrievers; I absolutely love golden retrievers. They just radiate such a warm happy feeling that you just melt around them. Get more people like that in your life, they’ll only ever give you positive vibes. That’s the life tip for this week.

We don’t love enough. I mean oh sure we bandy the word about whenever we please, but not so often do we actually love. We’ve retreated from loving full heartedly because we learned of the pain which could come of it. That needs to change. Love wholeheartedly, love with every fiber of your being! Don’t be afraid of getting swept away, don’t you ever be afraid of love! Sometimes it hurts but don’t hide that pain, wear it openly. Live proudly. Revel in your pain when love leaves for it tells you you’re alive, if you feel everything fully than sure the lows hurt, but the highs? Simply nirvana, there’s so much beauty if you just let yourself fully feel.

I hate walking around everyday watching people, people with their heart’s blocked up behind a stone wall for fear of being touched. They’ll text lol but they’re not really laughing, they’ll rave about something being hilarious and then just do a half smile while watching it. People jumping from partner to partner not feeling the loss because they never allowed themselves to truly form a connection. I don’t understand that lifestyle. If something’s funny than let your amusement spill out, if it’s hysterically funny than cry tears of laughter, or giggle, snort! Don’t use people to cover up the emptiness of the one before them, don’t tell someone you love them while you’re holding your heart close. Learn to feel again, learn to living again!

If anyone was wondering, yes I may have been watching a bunch of Matthew Silver clips before this. But I mean how could you not love him and be influenced by his message? There’s just so much positive energy that comes off that man it’s incredible! And you can watch him slowly affect everyone using that infectious sense of fun, amusement, enjoyment. Even the people who had originally been staring with a disapproving and disgruntled expression get sucked into the “Love fart magic” as he calls it. I’d just leave it at love, he’s constantly spreading love vibes. It’s admirable.

Someone asked me what happiness was and I couldn’t really decide how to answer the question. I’m still not sure how to answer the question. However I will say that happiness is amazing, something to strive for. But that really doesn’t actually help to answer what happiness actually is. I was tempted to give the medical answer but I knew that wasn’t what he meant. I think if i’d known what to tell him I would’ve said happiness is that warm fuzzy feeling you get when a kitten chooses to curl up in your lap. I would’ve said happiness is the warm feeling of the sun on your face and a warm, gentle breeze hugging your skin. Happiness is waking up to the smell of your favourite food knowing it was cooked just for you. I would’ve said happiness was so many things, but all I said was “You know when someone’s face lights up at seeing you?” and then he walked off the subway. I hope he’s doing well, wherever he ended up.

Spread love, seek tranquility, speak peace,

C.C.

I spend too much time with my head in the clouds ~C.C.