Loving You Like An Hourglass.

Loving you is like loving the sand in an hourglass

Silky smooth yet coarse as you pass through my fingers.

It’s like catching raindrops in your hands

for every bit you catch, so much more is slipping past.

We had a past.

A pretty good one too,

Yet I must be an hourglass

As I can feel you slipping through,

Your body running over mine

I guess we used up all our time..

I wonder if I’m still on your mind?

You’re on mine..

Every time I close my eyes I feel the touch of your lips, your mouth on my neck, your hips on my hips.

But then they open and I’m alone again, on my own again.

Looking at you through a pane of glass I can see that you’re happy.

Or you seem happy.

Either way I’m happy you’re happy or seem happy cause honestly as long as you’re happy it’s fine that I’m not.

You found friends and a direction

While I payed to get lost.

I disappeared into a sea of bodies and alcohol and way too hyped DJs

I did this on replay

Over

And over

And over again.

And while I’m getting better at hiding the pain

I can’t seem to stop meeting new people with your name.

I’m not sure if this is a sign that I’m supposed to forget you

I mean I’m certainly glad I met you

But now I need you to let me go,

For the final time

I loved you

Now it’s time for me to go.

.

.

.

C.C.

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Finding Supplementary Forms Of Income.

The number one form I can currently recommend is Fiverr. It’s a simple site that started out with the premise of you could pay someone $5 and they’d do whatever for you, be it write a resume, voiceovers, breakup with your significant other through video, literally anything really. These days it’s grown to have a wide range of prices but with my code you can get 20% off if you decide to get something. Even if you don’t i’d recommend signing up, it’s super easy for generating revenue. http://www.fiverr.com/s2/05fd98ad60

Start a blog! It’ll take time and dedication but over time you’ll grow a following. Once you have that you can start using your blog to sell your own products, work for various brands as an influencer if you wish, or even turn it into a book. Honestly the possibilities while not endless are indeed numerous. I mean you can run ads on your blog but honestly they don’t generate much income at all unless you have an insane amount of followers and honestly at that point it would be much more profitable to just sell something yourself.

Set up a GoFundMe account or some other equivalent like Patreon! With patreon you can create different tiers of rewards that people can get by donating money to you. For some people with large following even a simple shout out in a video for $2 could be a tier with the more expensive ones being something like a personal video chat with the person for $50 (or really whatever prices they wish to make the different tiers.) A lot of YouTubers use this as a way to fund their videos allowing them to buy better equipment or travel around the world making vlogs about different interestings locations!

You could always become a sugar baby, I mean that’s not really my thing but I can get behind the mentality of having all your needs being met in exchange for companionship. Also who knows, maybe they’ll leave you something in their will in memory of time spent together.

Become a YouTuber! Honestly this is an extremely lucrative field right now if you can manage to stand out from the crowd, consistently upload, and steadily work to build a good subscriber amount. YouTubers have tons of chances to make money from monetizing their videos, doing product placement, playing ads before their videos, and the list goes on and on. Sometimes they even go on to use what they learned from youtube to create movies or web series, maybe break into the acting business. Honestly if you have the time, desire, honesty, and equipment to become a YouTuber I say go for it! Even if you don’t become famous you’ll learn some neat skills with editing and filming and who knows, maybe one day something will come from it all.

If you’re a super fast typer unlike me, than I would recommend transcribing. There are always available job posts for it that only require an internet connection to complete. Just listen to what’s being said and type it down as quickly as you can, if you really want to invest in this than get yourself a medical transcription license. Due to all of the complex medical jargon they have a much higher pay rate than regular transcribing jobs, although if you can speak multiple languages you could transcribe other languages into english which is also a higher paying type of transcribing.

Ever wonder who takes all of those stock photo pictures? Well nowadays there are multiple sites and apps that you can use to sell pictures you’ve taken as stock footage. They don’t pay you a huge amount but if you’re constantly bringing in quality of different varieties than this can quickly become a wonderful little side hustle. Some sites will take raw unedited photos so if you can’t edit, no worries, you’re fine. You can still sell photos!

There are a few other ways I can think of off the top of my head but I think i’ll save that for another post. I was thinking of maybe turning these supplementary income posts as a bit of a series, these days there are countless avenues out there. You just need to actually be aware that they exist and are actually valid options for generating income, sometimes we think ‘oh there’s no way to make money doing that’ but with such a large amount of consumers out there these days, there’s almost always a way to make money off of somehing.

On a side note what do you guys think about podcasts? I recently became aware that wordpress has a function which allows you to post podcasts to your site along with simultaneously posting them over on Apple Podcasts and the Google Play Store among other podcast hosting sites. I’m not entirely sure what I would discuss on there but the appeal is strong, i’m thinking maybe twenty minute podcasts around once a week for a posting schedule as that could give me time to brainstorm what to talk about. But who knows? I’m also considering starting out on YouTube myself but once again I need to consider content, I mean odds are most of it will be rather similar in nature to my blog but that’ll just make it even harder not to wind up repeating topics. Although I guess if they’re all on separate platforms it could be fine? Anyways those are thoughts for another time, as of right now it’s time for me to wish you all peace, love, and tranquil vibes!

C.C.

Change The Way You Interact With Your Depression!

I know I briefly touched on this in my old post Somewhat Solution To The Sad Times but I felt it needed to be touched on again due to recent events. What do you do on those days where you just don’t feel like getting out of bed? The days where your whole entire being feels heavy, weighed down by the chemicals in your head. By chemicals i’m referring to the imbalance which causes depression. Depression is something i’ve known like a brother for the past 8-9 years, it crept up with just the occasional downswing to show it was coming. Before I knew it, it decided to move in. Things went from just feeling heavy and struggling to get out of bed, to the word suicide holding the same connotation in my head as a puppy. Things got extremely bad, but after several stupid decisions and a few failed actions, I began to gain some acceptance of this life.

Obviously I must be meant to be here regardless of my thoughts otherwise on the matter, else i’d already be long gone. The feelings have never truly gone away and I can always feel those thoughts lurking in the back of my mind, sneaking in any time they notice a point of weakness. It’s alright though, i’ve come to welcome this duality into my life. So many hours spent on thoughts about death and dying just serve to contrast the brighter parts of life making them even more evident. Surrendering to the universe i’ve decided whatever will happen will happen, and the moment I made that decision it was as if I was no longer carrying as heavy of a weight! So i’m not sure if depression ever goes away for those of us who are truly depressed, but I have learned that if you can change the way you see and interact with your depression than it WILL get easier. Even if just by a tiny bit.

I find it’s helpful to set tasks for yourself, just little things that force you out of bed at some point in the day. Once you’re out of bed allow yourself the comfort of a nice long warm shower, but make sure not to let your mind wander too much into heavier territory, just focus on the sensations of the water pounding your back, the steam caressing your skin, the warmth enveloping your bones; be present in the moment. Grab some earbuds and go for a short walk around your neighbourhood. Breathe in some deep breaths of fresh air savouring the feeling of freshness, feel a light breeze wrap around you in the ghost of a hug from mother earth, listen to those birds crying out their joy for life to the world, feel the warmth of the sun on your face; lose yourself in it. Once again these are all just different ways to stay present in the moment, but really that’s one of the most beneficial things you can do when you’re under siege by your own head.

For a time I tried using various forms of escapism before I realized what I was doing, and while they did allow me to step away from my thoughts I would always be right back with them afterwards without anything to truly show for it. I devoured books at an insane pace, plowing through multiple series in a week, I binged thousand of anime episodes, countless tv shows, movies, devoted insane amounts of hours into video games. But you know what? None of that was ever more than a temporary fix, a patch job, a band-aid on a gaping head wound. They would somewhat delay the end result but they wouldn’t have any other benefits. I mean I guess I could argue some of my writing ability came from all of that reading but seeing as most of it was fantasy I didn’t really learn much which couldn’t be found in an english class room over a much considerably shorter span of time.

So if things are going bad, like game over time to start a new file level bad. Change something in your life. Please stop waiting for others to come and help you, stop wallowing in the sadness, reveling in the sad music, vibing along to words of knives and bullets through the head. Stop running past scenarios over and over again in your head focusing on that empty, hollow, throbbing pain inside your chest. Please. None of that’s going to help you and just giving in and letting it swallow you up will be something you’ll always regret. Forever looking back and wondering exactly when things got so bad that you decided you didn’t want this life anymore. And I truly hate more than anything that people can relate to feeling this way, if there’s anyone reading this who hasn’t already done so and they’re feeling like they’re standing at an edge of a precipice, please, please, please confide in just a few people. Even if just one or two, allow them to help you hold that weight on your shoulders, and if you don’t have anyone to turn to than find someone! Your parents, therapists, a community of strangers online, new friends, whichever you choose just please don’t try to go it alone, I can tell you from experience that it never works well. And if you choose to go it alone, well if you’re one of the lucky ones you’ll live with the scars over your soul thinking of all you’ve done or tried to do because of this illness. Please don’t do that to yourself, I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.

I started this post planning to write about different things I do to lift my mood when i’m feeling low, instead I spent my time opening up about things I never expected to be telling random strangers on the internet. But the thought of this post helping even just a single person by giving them something to relate to, well it makes it something I almost feel as if I HAVE to post. If opening up about my past experiences and telling life stories to strangers has a chance to help people than the decision is an easy one. Which is kind of odd for me to think about because growing up I was an extremely private person who would go to great lengths in order to avoid opening up to anyone outside of my super close-knit friend group, heck even they didn’t know everything about me! In fact I specifically remember one of them talking to me about how they’d never seen me truly angry or sad and they complimented me on always being so calm even though that was the base emotion I had decided to put forward and wear like armor; I didn’t want anyone knowing exactly how broken I felt every day, and you know what it’s done for me? It led to two of my friends taking their own lives feeling there was no one they could relate to when all along I was right there and could have talked to them about it. Don’t put yourself in a position like that, I promise you it’ll feel like poison in your soul.

Anyways this got extremely dark and i’m super sorry for all of that everyone! Please try to always take the time to look after your earthly bodies as well as your spiritual half, their duality is what allows us this beautiful human experience. I wish each and every one of you the very best and I hope you continue moving forwards through this life! If you’re ever feeling really low and just need someone to talk to than shoot me a message over on instagram @fadetostay and i’ll do my best to get back to you. Continue living in the moment and spreading the peace, love, and those beautiful tranquil vibes!

C.C.

Inspiration Is Nourishment For Your Soul.

So today’s post is going to be about a few different sources of inspiration for me. Each of the people i’m going to talk about have helped me along on my spiritual journey and even with realizing new goals and directions with where I want to go in this life. I feel we can always stand to learn something from others, we even subconsciously desire to do so! Hence why we’re always asking what’s up or crawling through people’s social media; we’re trying to learn things about each other but really that’s just the desire to learn things FROM each other in a different skin.

We evolved as a community and now we’re all so divided, no one want to learn things anymore they just wish to get school over with, get a job, and video game their life away in their spare time, or spend it all watching whatever pops up on the tv. I don’t understand living like that. I mean I know statistically the odds of that being someone’s goal life are pretty high considering how many humans there are but I don’t want that nine to five, cubicle life-style. It’s just not for me, I don’t want to shrivel away in the same places, day after day, repetitive task after task. I need the wind in my hair, a pen/laptop/camera/phone in my hand, some sort of connection to the earth, new foods, new people, and new locations. I want to wander for a while, just start moving for a while before I get too rooted.

Anyways, onto the inspirational people!

Danny *Moon Hawk* is an absolute blessing. For those of you who don’t know he makes Vlogs and Music along with the occasional live stream. Sometimes he’ll post medicine music, original music, or crazy travel vlogs but no matter the content they’re always wonderful to watch. Even his vlogs of Envision festival make it look so peaceful and tranquil, he just manages to give off this warm vibe somehow. Highly recommend checking him and his content out; You can support him by following his Instagram, subscribing on YouTube, and if you want to help fund future endeavours he’s even on Patreon. Patreon has exclusive content of his and you can do as little as a single dollar a month as every little bit helps! If you can’t afford it than no worries, but show this wonderful human some love!

Dakota Wint is also amazing, him and Danny team up sometimes and their dynamic is great. Dakota is an incredibly inspirational travel vlogger, poet, writer with a huge following on YouTube as well as a clothing brand named Stay Happy Stay Weird. He recently branched over to doing podcasts with the series being called A Place For Humans, highly recommend giving them a listen or at least checking out his various medias. There’s all sorts of good stuff to be found there including entertainment, chill vibes, spiritual teaching, community, just highly, highly recommend checking him out and showing him some love. You won’t regret it, especially if you’re a fan of Koi Fresco (Vishuddha Das) or Jason VeeOneEye, and you’ll definitely love him if you enjoy Danny’s content.

If you’ve never heard of Vishuddha Das (Koi Fresco) and you’re really into spirituality or Carl Sagan than I would recommend heading over to KoisCorner on YouTube for an amazing spiritual education vlogger as well as an author. Honestly even his social media is just such a great motivator and source of inspiration. He’ll be dropping bit of knowledge there on the daily and he has a pretty interesting life story that he focuses on in his book A (Not) So Enlightened Youth. His other book is called The Meditation Manual and in fact, Koi is hosting a meditation retreat in the next few months over in India which looks like an amazing experience!

I mainly just wanted to talk about those three today but i’ll give an honorable mention to Jungle Man Sam, Infinite Waters, Matthew Silver, and AshSayer. Oh and if you need any or just enjoy them than check out HairWrapsByAsh on instagram, she has a little shop set up and does wonderful work.

Who are some of the people that inspire your life? If you can’t think of any than start searching out inspiration, it’s such a wonderful motivator and source of positivity in this life! Listen to their advice, figure out how they got where they are today, and most importantly..

Keep spreading the peace, love, and tranquil vibes all,

C.C.

Shadows

Shadows creeping, world quieting, daily fire becomes snuffed out.

Silence growing, stillness surrounding, even a whisper becomes a shout.

This is my favourite time of day,

When peoples masks shed and the truth comes out to play.

There’s a certain tranquility in that frozen world the comes after day,

If we could remain anywhere, that’s where I’d stay.

Warm breeze blowing, gentle as a lovers touch, that warm windy caress, I love it so much.

There’s a perfect solitude that lasts for so long, it’s quick but eternal, yet suddenly gone.

The moment passes as the sky meets the sea, from that smooth tranquil hold, the world is set free.

This was a short one but it’s about my favourite time of day, it’s the most beautiful time in the world. Everything is still and silently beautiful, I love it.

Peace, love, and tranquil vibes,

C.C.

Drunk

You, spitting rain

Gap toothed grin

Arms still, mind shaking

Parched brain, glass breaking

Drunk.

That’s what you are, isn’t it?

Sloshed, sullied, inebriated, walking through an earthquake

‘No I’m fine’ he says as he trips down the hall.

Too pushy, arms wandering, eyes rolling, overconfident, there’s no way this teenage tower could fall, Drunk.

Less than honourable, girl passed out, wasted opportunity, just can’t pass by,

Hunk. That’s what you are isn’t it? Any girl should feel lucky to have you, that’s what she’ll say once you’re through,

Drunk.

Hazy memories, silk smooth skin, no resistance, glides on in,

We were both drunk.

So that makes it okay right?

It’s no issue because there wasn’t a fight right?

As if the mere lack of aggression excuses your action and means that she’s totally cool, and 100 per cent, down with it.

Drunk.

Pushed back, broken screaming, weight of a thousand actions, drips down your neck.

Girl shouting, dick shrinking, sobered up, prick now finally thinking,

Drunk.

As if any amount of liquor changes the weight of your actions.

Pain blossoms around your back, shins, face, actions that cannot erase, the damage you have done to this poor little girl.

Budding flower, chopped off, quickly wilting, barely thinking, just one word, why?

Why? Why? Why?

He was so normal, just another drunk guy, confusion, anger, hurt, breaks down just to cry, why?

Now I hear that he’s getting off since he’s on the hockey team and they’re expected to go pro.

He never finished getting off so there’s no harm in letting him go.

No one cares about that little girl

Who can’t even go outside without wanting to hurl, dirty.

She rubs herself thin, rapidly removing painted skin, can’t even look at a guy, everyone she looks at seems like him,

Drunk.

Maybe she said yes and doesn’t remember, I mean look at him, star player, and he’s such a hunk.

She probably came onto him, since they were both drunk, gorgeous hockey player, every word just deepens her funk.

No one believes her, ‘its fine he was drunk’, as if that excuses his actions and abuses, of a passed out girl. What the fuck is this world.

This is an old slam I wrote ages ago. ✌🏼

C.C.

Fingers Crossed

I’ve got an audition tomorrow morning and currently getting over a cold so right now I need to just head to bed and pray to whatever powers may be that my throat heals up overnight along with this stuffed up nose.

I’ll let you all know how it went afterwards, it’s the first of two opportunities I’ve got over the next few days. Keep searching out how to open those doors people! Keep advancing! Everyday, even when you’re sick, you’re still advancing in life. Don’t let time spent become a regret, never stop moving, evolving.

Anyways keep it real and do your best to live in the moment, we’re all divine beings, we’ve got this!

Peace, love, and tranquil vibes all,

C.C.