The Boy In A Thunderstorm.

Do you ever feel like you’re freefalling and everything and everyone you’ve ever known or loved is just slipping past your fingertips as you desperately try to regain control?

Cause that’s what I feel like.

I feel like everyone else’s life cycle resembles that of a raindrop, a slow steady fall where they can be lifted and spun around by wind’s encompassing embrace; I feel like a bolt of lightning.

Screams out, dashing down to the ground as quickly as possible

But in all actuality it’s my impact that hits first before they hear my words.

By the time I gather the strength to cry out it’s already happened.

The only thing left is a memory of the scream and maybe an afterimage if you were looking at me.

..it’s all very, brief.

Short lived.

By the time you blink me out of your eyes it’ll be like I never was.

A tiny mark on the ground for where my body landed.

And even this will be washed away in time by the rain I call my friends.

For isn’t that what rain does?

Washes away and purifies?

Though if we go with that

Does that not mean by proxy I was impure?

And if I was impure how does that speak of those who came before me?

The brief bolts of lightning who seared themselves into my brain leaving only a brief afterimage in my memories

A little mark.

Perhaps that is why lightning is forked?

So we can revisit the spots of those who came before

And those who will come again.

Perhaps that is also why the rain resembles teardrops,

they both came from the same place but took different fates

and still the rain will linger as dew drops until it yet too drops,

Just like i did

Only slower.

I cannot conceive which to be the worse fate

That of the rain

Or the one that I take.

.

Well my ear thing fixed itself but now I’ve come down with a cold two days before a commercial audition, really hope it clears up in time or there’s minimal chance I’ll actually get the part. Ugh, why world? Why?

C.C.

I Missed A Flower

I missed a flower.

Not just any but the most

amazing and beautiful

Prettiest penny,

And by a penny I mean to say she’s tiny and finding her in your arms is considered lucky.

I like to think that you resemble a beautiful red rose,

That is to say I clutch you to my chest regardless of the thorns.

You don’t want to hurt me but your spikes keep my wound closed.

A nice dull ache as you’re rooted in ground, I prefer to endure this love loss I’ve found,

Rather than throw the pain away

I’ll keep it in my heart

And love for another day.

.

Than risk bleeding to death without you. Without new. I find flowers enhance their beauty as they slowly fade away.

Please don’t fade on me

But if you do, than that’s okay.

You’ve been rooted before and rooted you’ll stay, I know you’ll bloom again one day.

Even if it’s not for me, but that’s okay. As long as they love you.

.

Here’s once again a different emotion/flavour of poem, I’ll get back to posting more article type posts soon but for now people have been enjoying the poems so they shall continue to pop up!

Peace, love, and tranquil vibes,

C.C.

~A Cigarette Daydream~

Everyone disappears don’t they?

Especially the ones who say they won’t.

You were a cigarette daydream

Warm, fading, and small.

I’m not sure when I became addicted.

But running after you was like trying to catch smoke with your bare hands.

That is to say I had to watch you drift away.

Calling after with smoke filled lungs.

Wishing you would stay.

.

Or maybe I was the smoke.

The daydream.

For I’m losing sense of what is real.

Drifting through life.

Trying to feel.

Something..

One thing?

Anything?

.

Isn’t it beautiful how the wind dances?

In the trees and their leaves, the way it shifts and prances?

I envy the wind.

It’s here until it just..isn’t.

No one cries for the wind.

.

It’s so.

So cold.

I can’t feel my body.

Except for the smoke.

Within my lungs.

Oh, how it used to flow from our tongues.

Those smoke like promises.

To last a thousand suns.

I guess.

They couldn’t even stand.

A single.

Night.

.

I’ve lost myself.

And I.

I can’t see you.

Not anymore.

You’re gone too.

Or maybe here.

But just looked on through.

.

I exist right?

I exist.

I exist.

I exist.

I-I..

.

.

.

So I noticed a lot of people enjoyed The Volcano, this poem was obviously a bit of a different breed from it in terms of both writing style and emotion but I wrote this a year or two before The Volcano when I was in a fairly bad place of my life. Luckily with meditation among other methods I’ve managed to crawl out of that headspace to become the wonderful peace loving, tranquil, hippie soul that I am today. I think in the end I just decided, I don’t care about what career I follow in my life. I didn’t care about following a career. I wanted to find and chase happiness which led me to searching out every possible avenue I could do that from, so I did.

I’m still searching. But the more I travel this world, the more people I meet and places I go? They generate seeds of happiness in my soul. Soon once they’ve sprouted i’ll be able to carry them with me everywhere! Can you picture it? Won’t that just be bliss! Keep chasing your happiness and keep chasing your dreams! You’ll get there, I believe in you. ^-^

Peace, love, and tranquil vibes people,

C.C.

The Volcano

You tell me

Grown men don’t cry.

As a man I am not allowed to cry

As a man I am supposed to rage and shoot fire from my fingertips

And I do not want to relate to that.

I do not want to be the volcano

Smouldering red hot rage

Boiling up

And raining down from the heavens.

I am not the volcano.

And yet I can feel white

hot Molten rage

Flow through my veins

When I think of the way

You told me

Grown men don’t cry.

As if you’d prefer me to build it all up. Whole body shaking

Until cracks breach my skin

And with an almighty roar I fracture

warping everything around me.

Raining down death and destruction indiscriminately

Cause at least that way I’m not the only one who’s hurt.

You’d prefer the volcanic ashes of our love to fall down like feathers

Staining people’s skin with the stories of us. Burning the shadows of ourselves into all of the places we once lived and loved each other.

So that years later once everything has cooled and my heart has hardened up like magma

Others can come and admire the ghosts of our love.

I wonder, can they feel the fear of our final moments?

Moments before I proved you right.

That I was a volcano.

But you, you were the one that set me off. And now I don’t cry

Not because grown men don’t cry

But because the magma in my veins

Pumping through my heart

Has grown cold and hard in your absence.

I both fear and await the day my heart begins to heat back up.

C.C.

(I did mention I’d occasionally post my poetry)

Somewhat Solutions To The Sad Times.

I try not to do straight up lists for blog posts because I feel like i’m cheating myself when I do, they just don’t take much effort and are almost a dime a dozen. However there are occasions where I feel the need to make one, one of those occasions being now. This list is a list of various things which cheer me up a tiny bit or at least help lessen the sadness. Sad times come to us all and it doesn’t make you weak for breaking down, it makes you human. Don’t be afraid to be sad, feel every emotion as fully as you can; they’re what makes this human experience so incredible. But also try not to lurk in the sadness for too long, anyways, here’s what I usually find helps for me.

Just plug in some earbuds and go for a walk. That’s it. Just find a nice chill soundtrack that you enjoy, and breath in that fresh air. Personally I recommend anything from stereotypical hippy music to lo-fi hip hop, one pretty much spreads infectious joy and the other is amazing for thinking through whatever’s aiding you from like a distant perspective. I also believe fresh air helps in most situations, a closer connection to the energy of the earth.

Take off your shoes. Just find a nice warm bit of dirt, rock, sandy beach, or maybe a nice sun spot in a mossy forest. Just being barefoot and having that connection to the earth always feels so incredibly soothing. Plus like my last point, it gets you outside into the fresh air!

Pull out your phone, think of your favourite two shows, type them into google looking for crossover fics that aren’t just lemons. Ever wanted to see Harry Potter as part of The Avengers? Maybe Walking Dead with the characters from The Office? Or if you really need something entertaining search for crack fics, which are basically just sheer nonsensory parodies of whatever that fic is based off of. A personal favourite of mine is The Champion’s Champion by DriftWood1965, it’s a story where Harry lets Ron stand in for him as the triwizard tournament champion and involves fart jokes, giant canaries, and potentially a fire breathing duck. Honestly I highly recommend it although do be aware that they bash on Ron a bit.

Go to BulkBarn and buy some candy! Sure it’s indulging the kid in you but come on, everyone’s got a little bit of a sweet tooth and honestly you probably deserve a treat. That’s this point, indulge yourself. So many times do we neglect ourselves just trying to look after everything around us, while that’s a good thing to do we really need to stop and take more time to look after ourselves. I don’t just mean your physical health but your mental health too, destress! Unplug yourself. Get in touch with even the littlest things that you used to really enjoy but somehow ended up not doing over the years and you don’t really recall when you stopped, just that the habit is dead. Reconnect with yourself.

Honestly peeps, just watch some really adorable cat or dog videos. Heck, cuddle with an actual live cat or dog, or a bird, lizard, snake, whatever types of creatures you find adorable. The point i’m trying to make is there’s so much heckin cuteness out there and we need to enjoy it a little bit more.

Try to astral project. Maybe you’ll manage it, maybe you won’t. But i’m fairly confident it would at least take your mind off of whatever is ailing you. At least for a little bit. Plus as a bonus I find going to bed directly after trying to astral project is simply amazing, as your body is already in such a relaxed and out of it state.

Watch some Youtube videos. Find channels like Dakota Wint’s Dakota Of Earth. Find videos that make you happy, amuse you, distract you, allow you to escape from your life for a little while. Whatever intrigues you can probably be found on youtube, although i’d also recommend looking for binaural beats and meditating while listening to them.

You could also come and read blogs like mine, I mean i’m not one hundred percent certain that i’ll cheer you up but I hope I can at least ease the pain and be a distraction from whatever troubles you. Feel free to poke around my different posts, might find something more to read! There’s not a huge amount right now but i’m building it up at a steady rate, haven’t missed a single day yet! Really hope I didn’t just jinx myself with that one but ah well. I know this wasn’t much so i’ll probably post more on the topic later but that’s all for now.

Peace, love, and tranquil vibes people,

C.C.

I’m a huge sucker for a good beachside firework show ~ C.C.

People Like Golden Retrievers.

Do you ever just have those people who can just smile at you and you’re instantly cheered up? Like their physical presence is so intoxicatingly happy that you just can’t feel bad around them? I think of those people like human golden retrievers; I absolutely love golden retrievers. They just radiate such a warm happy feeling that you just melt around them. Get more people like that in your life, they’ll only ever give you positive vibes. That’s the life tip for this week.

We don’t love enough. I mean oh sure we bandy the word about whenever we please, but not so often do we actually love. We’ve retreated from loving full heartedly because we learned of the pain which could come of it. That needs to change. Love wholeheartedly, love with every fiber of your being! Don’t be afraid of getting swept away, don’t you ever be afraid of love! Sometimes it hurts but don’t hide that pain, wear it openly. Live proudly. Revel in your pain when love leaves for it tells you you’re alive, if you feel everything fully than sure the lows hurt, but the highs? Simply nirvana, there’s so much beauty if you just let yourself fully feel.

I hate walking around everyday watching people, people with their heart’s blocked up behind a stone wall for fear of being touched. They’ll text lol but they’re not really laughing, they’ll rave about something being hilarious and then just do a half smile while watching it. People jumping from partner to partner not feeling the loss because they never allowed themselves to truly form a connection. I don’t understand that lifestyle. If something’s funny than let your amusement spill out, if it’s hysterically funny than cry tears of laughter, or giggle, snort! Don’t use people to cover up the emptiness of the one before them, don’t tell someone you love them while you’re holding your heart close. Learn to feel again, learn to living again!

If anyone was wondering, yes I may have been watching a bunch of Matthew Silver clips before this. But I mean how could you not love him and be influenced by his message? There’s just so much positive energy that comes off that man it’s incredible! And you can watch him slowly affect everyone using that infectious sense of fun, amusement, enjoyment. Even the people who had originally been staring with a disapproving and disgruntled expression get sucked into the “Love fart magic” as he calls it. I’d just leave it at love, he’s constantly spreading love vibes. It’s admirable.

Someone asked me what happiness was and I couldn’t really decide how to answer the question. I’m still not sure how to answer the question. However I will say that happiness is amazing, something to strive for. But that really doesn’t actually help to answer what happiness actually is. I was tempted to give the medical answer but I knew that wasn’t what he meant. I think if i’d known what to tell him I would’ve said happiness is that warm fuzzy feeling you get when a kitten chooses to curl up in your lap. I would’ve said happiness is the warm feeling of the sun on your face and a warm, gentle breeze hugging your skin. Happiness is waking up to the smell of your favourite food knowing it was cooked just for you. I would’ve said happiness was so many things, but all I said was “You know when someone’s face lights up at seeing you?” and then he walked off the subway. I hope he’s doing well, wherever he ended up.

Spread love, seek tranquility, speak peace,

C.C.

I spend too much time with my head in the clouds ~C.C.

An Odd Perspective.

Isn’t it weird knowing there’s people out there reading your words and opinions? I mean I get that’s how it usually is with social media posts but this just has a different feel, you know? I don’t usually do research for future social media posts either, as opposed to this. I remember, that one of my first posts had me mentioning that i’d talk about odd perspectives at some point. Well I feel like tonight/today is a day for one of those posts.

Have you ever stood on a street corner waiting for the lights, and become consciously aware of every single person around you? Followed by becoming insanely hyper focused on every single little movement your body makes but every movement feels wrong, even if you’re just standing there? It’s not a fun experience. I find social anxiety aided me in becoming really good at reading body language just so it could turn around to start misreading stuff whenever the anxiety hits.

Have you ever walked down to a huge exciting event all on your lonesome? Your whole world feels slightly muted, tilted. There’s a film over anything you hear somehow distancing it and the people pass by you in slow motion on their way to the spectacle. You arrive after following the families and teeming throngs of people just to wait around standing up, surrounded by random groups of people all talking to each other. This goes on for about twenty-eight minutes, some random dj no one has ever heard of does a short set. Making it through that and clapping politely even though you’re impatient for the main event. The fireworks go off. The sky is so beautiful, the world just falls away. Then it’s over. You’ve fallen back to earth with the other awakening people as the spell gets broken with lack of an encore. Everyone goes home. You go home. The families walk past and around you. You’re a solitary stranger in this sea of communities. You slip off to home, unsatisfied but in a way still content.

I love to watch the world wake up. Just sitting on your porch watching the sun rise, the gentle wind hugs your skin. You can see everything start to breathe, the birds begin to fly overhead. A solitary car speeds by, yet the world is still. It’s like a moving painting, or at the very least art. The rustle of leaves in a gentle gust of wind, the morning fog burning off as the sun continues to rise. The world turns gold and crimson, with just a dash of orange. Everything just feels so incredibly peaceful, you’re at one with the world. But at the same time it makes you feel like nothing is real. There are no people moving aside from the distant cars, it’s like being in a twilight zone which now that i’m thinking of it is probably part of where that movie got it’s name. I like plugging into the world that way, I always feel so refreshed afterwards regardless of usually having had to miss out on some sleep. It’s even better with a tea, beer, cider, or some sort of quiet smokable object. You don’t want to break the tranquil morning silence, and with a drink you can meditate on the warm feeling in you chest and the warmth from the sun on your face. Recharge your spirit.

Have you ever managed to separate yourself from that constantly talking voice in your head that we usually call our thoughts? If you try a little bit and meditate on forcing it to repeat a mantra, you’ll notice that you’re still observing. In that moment the thoughts almost feel separate from that greater sense of ‘you’. I’m not really sure what one would call that, it’s not an ego death but I guess in a way it’s an ego separation from your conscious thoughts? I’m not sure what it’s properly called but it’s an absolutely amazing experience. Feeling that divide, that autonomy it has. The way it twists and struggle to form itself into different words or thoughts than those of the mantra you’re making it repeat, you can feel it fighting you, almost as if it were alive. Which I mean technically it is because it’s part of you but dang it’s a pretty odd perspective that’s also really neat!

I wonder where we go when we zone out. Like those moments where you’re in a really long car ride so you just put in some earbuds and stare out the window listening to music until you arrive at your destination. It’s like your mind goes blank and you’re just out of it for the entire ride, in a trance. But definitely not asleep. Sometimes I like to think of that simulation theory, which basically says since everything is connected to our brains than what’s to say we’re not all just floating in some jar as just a blob of brain being fed information for a life. Moments like that are just holes in the matrix. Another neat theory is that you could be reliving every single moment of your life right now thinking it’s for the first time, hence why you might get deja vu sometimes. And by reliving I meant you’re dying and this is your life flashing before your eyes. It’s theorized that time would almost slow to a crawl as your brain tried it’s best to just relive everything in those few moments before the light fully leaves your eyes. It’s obvious that some of those more inconsequential moments would get fast forwarded in order to maximize whatever it deems important or a ‘core’ memory.

I think those are all of the odd perspective for now but I might make this a running thing. Maybe have one or two odd perspectives per week? I love odd perspectives, most of the time they’re just an amazingly artsy way of looking at the world. Always seek to look at the world through new eyes. There’s so much to see depending on where you look in from, so clear your mind, open your heart, and see. See those beautiful moments of tranquility that exist in daily life, seek them out, enjoy them to the fullest!

Spread the love, peace, and chill vibes,

C.C.

Exhausted Update

What do you do on the days where you can’t drag yourself out of bed? Personally I enjoy curling up with a nice book and some tea, at least most days. Others I prefer just putting on some earbuds and losing myself in the music, everything else becomes so trivial as you drift away. I really wanted to write a blog post today so I wouldn’t kill my daily posting streak but I really wasn’t in the mood. I woke up super late feeling groggy, had a headache for pretty much the entire day, and then just felt out of it all evening. I guess it would be a pretty smart idea to write up a surplus of articles so I’ve got some content to post on my off-days and I’m not always scrambling to make a good post on my usual schedule, especially because I would love the occasional off day. Although I know I should just be writing everyday for the practice, for practice makes perfect!

I honestly can’t think of anything else to write right now, I may just leave this post here as a placeholder and promise to myself that I’ll write up multiple articles tomorrow in order to make up for today’s. I’m trying to get this post done but my keyboard is blurring along with the screen and my whole body feels heavy, or in other words I’m exhausted. Tomorrow you can expect the same routine to start back up again, I just needed a break according to my body. I’m going to end this one here since I don’t want to start sleepily rambling off into tangents, but I hope all is well with all of you! As for me, it’s time to fluff up a pillow and finally sleep.

Peace, love, and some sleepy tranquil vibes,

C.C.

Deepening Or Branching?

It’s kind of odd seeing all the new blog hate posts. Well I guess I wouldn’t call them hate posts but they all seem to be actively discouraging people from making blogs unless you can offer a service or affiliate marketing. Even then they all casually talk about having a couple hundred followers in order to do that.. How do they expect people to get up to a few hundred followers without learning from failure? Everything goes “Use perfect grammar, attract clients by turning yourself into a minor authority on a topic, find a popular niche and model yourself after that. Well sure you can generate a following that way but at that point you’re no longer really blogging are you? You’re just turning yourself into a business clone.

I don’t want to ever forget where i’ve come from. So many blogs seem to evolve into such large consumer fed constructs and lose the voice of the author which originally attracted people to the blog, I don’t want to become just another toneless voice on the internet. Another one of those blog owners who lurk in the comments of similar blogs in order to learn how to connect into that source or readers by seeing which of that blog’s posts generated the most traffic over the past couple of months. From their they usually go into guest posting on that blog in order to siphon traffic to their own blog. Now i’m not saying that all guest posting is evil or has an underhanded intent as it can sometimes be as simple as two collaborators deciding to help each other out.

Being perfectly honest ‘guest posting’ does somewhat intrigue me do to it’s potential to grow an audience, plus it’s been used to great success by a lot of big name blogs out there. I just feel that it would be rather impudent to the owner of that blog, regardless i’m sure i’ll get over some of my moral compunctions regarding the issue over time.

Anyways i’ve now started reaching a point where i’m going to need to decide if I should slightly branch out what I post about or if it would make more sense to just dive deeper into what I seem to have made as my core topic, any thoughts? Since I like to add an aspect of tranquility when I can, I was thinking of doing some posts on the effects of loneliness and self isolation. Specifically how one’s mindset and the thoughts they view of as normal begin to change over prolonged isolation, how one’s priorities and concerns seem to slightly shift. I’d also like to get into talking about some heavy topics such as social anxiety, depression, and eating disorders seeing as both have had quite a prevalent effect on my life. All of which I have experience with personally through both myself and with those who I hold dear.

Originally today I had planned to write something about why there’s so much dislike for hosting ads on your blog but I started to somewhat see what everyone’s point was so I became uncertain of the tone I wanted the post to have. The main concerns seem to be that ads take people away from your page, add extra loading time for when people are attempting to view the site, and that you have no control over what the ads are showing people so your post/site could end up advertising products or services of which you’d really rather not be associated with. Each and every one of those seems like a good reason to me however like I said earlier in this post I don’t understand why new bloggers aren’t encouraged to experiment for themselves. Why aren’t we left to learn to grow from our failures, especially with all of these options built into the site? Hence why i’ve currently got ads enabled.

I’m probably going to disable the ads after some time since I don’t really like all of the clauses within the ad hosting agreement, especially the one’s where they can enact a penalty if you post or talk about something they disagree with. I mean i’m not currently planning to post anything with ‘Any content that is inappropriate or not “family safe”.’ however what constitutes inappropriate is apparently decided upon at their discretion. I don’t enjoy the thought of just laying every post at their mercy. They also have control over anything ‘unlawful or promotes unlawful activity’ now i’m not planning to set out to violate laws with posts but being a Canadian citizen rather than U.S. citizen there’s almost certainly a few discrepancies in our laws that i’m unaware of. One of the biggest examples I can think of is what if I decided to make a post about the benefits of CBD which is one of the chemical compounds in marijuana? Marijuana is legal here in Canada however i’m not sure if every state has legalized it yet in the U.S. which could potentially make any posts about it “unlawful”.

I should probably specify that at the moment i’m not currently planning to post about anything marijuana related but there are a ton of benefits from it and ways it could be applied to meditation. Heck there’s even history of it already being strongly prevalent among spiritual groups as a way of communing with the divine/your higher self/the collective consciousness. There’s even a ton of recorded medical benefits aside from the spiritual ones. Huh, maybe I will end up posting about it after doing more research on whether it would be permitted or not. Anyways if you made it all the way to the bottom of this train-wreck of a post than I both thank and congratulate you. I was a bit distracted yesterday leading to such a long pause between posts resulting in things being a bit unstructured, or at least more so than usually. Soon i’ll be back to turning this blog into a nice tranquil refuge from your daily lives, I hope to see you join me on this journey. ^-^

As always dear readers, peace, love, and tranquil vibes,

C.C.

In the words of Peep “Ash Is Our Purest Form”

So Much Out There!

Do you ever find yourself trying to learn a new language just because you researched a place and decided to go there? Like completely spur of the moment and then two days later you’ve learned an entire new alphabet? Cause same. Except my only problem is I keep getting interested in new places, languages, and people. There’s just so much out there! How are people possibly content just living in the same place for their entire lives? I don’t understand it! I really want to travel more and experience as much of this beautiful world as I can, there’s just so much to see. Not only that, but there’s so much to hear! All it takes to learn a new language is some time, dedication, and an internet connection.

Currently i’m being a bit overambitious and attempting to learn Hindi and Japanese along with polishing off my French which i’d say i’m adequate at. Not amazing but adequate, my biggest problem is I keep swapping languages. Japanese has three alphabets, hindi has one, and then french is similar but still different with their alphabet, so understandably it gets a bit confusing at times. Regardless, i’m still steadily making progress with each language! I usually use Duolingo because of their companion flashcard app but you can also listen to podcasts, watch lessons, google books in other languages or movies, all you need to do is just keep exposing yourself to the languages you want to learn, give yourself time to work through all the dry bits, and then start having conversations with people who speak the language; works especially well if you’re in the country of that language so you’re hearing it everywhere, everyday!

There’s plenty of reasons to learn a new language if you aren’t currently working on one. Primarily being you’ll develop the ability to watch media in that language. You can read it’s books, watch it’s movies, tv shows, plays, understand the music! Plus you’ll become exposed to a whole new culture! There’s so many different ways of life in this world and we all get so focused on the ways within our country’s borders. Especially recently, how much of the hate in this world would disappear if we all just took a moment to learn about the culture of our neighbours? I’m not saying learn to just love everyone as I feel there always needs to be a balance of light and dark in this world, but if we just understood each other? That would be the most beautiful day in existence, I hope to live long enough for us all to at least get a glimpse of an understanding. A glimpse is all I ask. Can you picture it?

Peace, love, and tranquil vibes people,

C.C.

Europe Is So Incredibly Beautiful ^-^