A Love Like Falling

Loving her, is like falling.

That weak limbed, newborn creature

Who’s barely graduated from crawling.

New pudgy limbs, weak and bruised from trying to walk.

Tear stained cheeks left over from the overflowing stormy rivers that is bawling.

Loving her, is like arguing with a toddler.

Get her food, wake her from naps, and coax her out when she’s stonewalling.

Every single fight, reverts to name calling.

She’s, she’s worth it.

See, loving her is like, it’s like falling.

It’s so absolutely effortless, right up until the ground hits.

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As always people, keep spreading all the peace, love, and tranquil vibes you can!

C.C.

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Future Content, Anxiety, And Self Improvement.

So I keep changing my mind a little bit about what sort of content I want to be consistently uploading. Like what sort of content just comes to me naturally and I have a vested interest in which would allow me to constantly churn stuff out? So far i’ve been on the thought process of doing meditation hippy type stuff, maybe even branching into the plant teacher side of things since marijuana is now legal over here in canada and psilocybin mushrooms just became decriminalized in Denver so I feel like there’s sort of an upswing in the movement for discussion on the potential benefits of these various plant teachers. However i’ve also heard about a lot of people running into trouble trying to talk about these things over various platforms, i’m also not sure how many people i’d be driving away if I began releasing that sort of content since a lot of people are pretty outspoken in their disapproval for such things. To the point that I know multiple people from YouTube whose channels got deleted because of videos where they consumed marijuana because for some reason they no longer count as ‘educational’. See you used to be able to post content with these different substances so long as they were made with educational intentions so people can learn more about them, you could sometimes stretch what was defined as educational content pretty far too! But ah well, most of the weedtubers I know just went and created their own site after banding together, I think it’s TheWeedTube.com so feel free to check that out if it’s your thing.

I know that I want to do some travel stuff and i’m thinking of picking up vlogging. I currently only have a GoPro5 Black and a little Lav mic along with an Ipad Air2 which I picked up a neat little lens for, I mean I know it’s not much and it’s certainly not the best equipment but I could certainly start creating with what i’ve got! Plus when I bought my GoPro it came with the Karma drone and Grip/gimble so i’m fairly confident I could get some quality shots from interesting perspectives! I will admit it’s a bit daunting to begin though, every time I watch someone’s videos whom I admire I end up scrolling back to their first few and seeing what they were like. At which point I get all in my head wondering if that’s what the videos i’ll make when I first begin are going to be like and I get all “oh gosh, they’re just so horrible. Like they’re incredibly cringy!” And I just know that one day i’ll be looking back at my first videos no matter how good they are and being all like ‘Oh my gosh, what were you doing!?!?!’ I know part of that is just my own self image and social anxiety but it’s also like a learning curve you know? Your first videos will always be awful since you’re just starting out and you haven’t quite learned what you will by constantly making videos, I mean sure you might have a ton of theoretical knowledge but until you go out and pick up that camera it’s just a framework of information you need to build on.

I’ve missed out on a lot of things in my life due to social anxiety so this is something that I made knowing that it kind of can’t be ruined by that. It’s a lot easier to disregard what other people think or their opinions of you when it’s through a screen like this, like no one can see me mess up or do anything awkward cause there’s no visual. At the same time though I know I need to work at getting over that social anxiety which is part of why I keep trying to push myself into making videos or podcasts. When I was little I really wanted to learn to dance, to dance and to sing. But being a young boy from a small town that was mostly populated by old people and farmers, there was no way to do so without becoming a target. If a young boy did those things in my hometown they would’ve been classified as gay with all that hate speech every day that comes with the title, it didn’t matter what this boy was into sexually. If his interests were considered feminine rather than MANLY things like sports or farming than he would become a punching bag for practically anyone, so I never learned to dance or sing at that age. Honestly I still haven’t learned to dance, I get really bad anxiety doing it and even ended up having a few panic attacks from being made to dance by friends. I don’t understand it since I love watching dance videos and at one point for drama I managed to squeak into an 80’s choreographed dance and I absolutely nailed it, loving every second, but then it was over and in the past. Even now I hate going into clubs or other dance situations and will often wind up either at the bar or just straight up outside of the venue, although I suppose hearing about tons of friends having really bad experiences in clubs I sometimes feel like i’m dodging a bullet.

What I meant to say in that last blurb though was that it’s interesting to watch what even just thirty days of blogging have done for me. I mean there’s not a huge amount of changes but simply knowing that there’s this whole community on here supporting ourselves and each other, it’s just so much easier to see how small and miniscule some random person’s opinion of you is. Like i’ve noticed when i’m hanging out with friends now i’ve begun loosening up a bit more and actually like talking and contributing to discussions rather than just being that friend who’s always listening and nodding just sort of lending comfort and support with their presence. It’s kind of funny actually, some people i’ve noticed became so used to just being able to keep talking and talking around me that when I try and comment on something they said they’ll get visibly irate for a few seconds before remembering this was supposed to be a dialogue rather than a monologue. It’s just neat.

I’ve also been constantly having like, mini revelations about myself and who I am as a person due to constantly having to hold myself accountable. Like I’m really starting to notice some of my flaws and realizing ways to change them, or at least realizing that they have the ability to be fixed if I do the right things. So I don’t know, I feel like i’m kind of going through a transformation with who I am inside and who I want to be, but also like, sort of remembering myself before my last relationship. My last relationship went on for quite a number of years starting in the earlier years of highschool and lasting well into college. So in other words, most of the time that you usually spend figuring yourself out as a person, we were figuring things out as a couple which of course meant compromises. These last couple years, but the most recent year mostly, i’ve been somewhat in a state of isolation. I moved to a new city, didn’t go out and meet people or get a job, I just sort of meditated and existed in my house occasionally hanging out with my roommate. This of course was a much different scenario than my surrounding had been in recent years, there was sort of this cut off from myself and other people as if I only existed in my own little sphere of reality.

Did I squander my first year living in Toronto? Most definitely! There were so many events and activities going on that I knew nothing about or just had no one to go with so instead I began journeying inward into the soul and well i’m not financially set or anything like that at all right now, I do have a much clearer state of mind and i’m finding it way easier to focus on things. Of course with all this time being cooped up my wanderlust is practically through the roof right now!

Anyways once again I meant to make a post about what types of content I was planning to release and instead ended up typing about social anxiety, a past relationship, and finding myself. Maybe that’s a potential theme? Doing motivational posts about mental health and finding myself, there’s probably not a large following for that unfortunately but who knows. Plus I guess the main point of this wasn’t for me to make money or a career, the main point of this blog was to have a space I could constantly talk about whatever topics I felt like and maybe help a few people along the way and so far? That’s what i’m doing.

Peace, love, and tranquil vibes everyone!

C.C.

Finding Supplementary Forms Of Income.

The number one form I can currently recommend is Fiverr. It’s a simple site that started out with the premise of you could pay someone $5 and they’d do whatever for you, be it write a resume, voiceovers, breakup with your significant other through video, literally anything really. These days it’s grown to have a wide range of prices but with my code you can get 20% off if you decide to get something. Even if you don’t i’d recommend signing up, it’s super easy for generating revenue. http://www.fiverr.com/s2/05fd98ad60

Start a blog! It’ll take time and dedication but over time you’ll grow a following. Once you have that you can start using your blog to sell your own products, work for various brands as an influencer if you wish, or even turn it into a book. Honestly the possibilities while not endless are indeed numerous. I mean you can run ads on your blog but honestly they don’t generate much income at all unless you have an insane amount of followers and honestly at that point it would be much more profitable to just sell something yourself.

Set up a GoFundMe account or some other equivalent like Patreon! With patreon you can create different tiers of rewards that people can get by donating money to you. For some people with large following even a simple shout out in a video for $2 could be a tier with the more expensive ones being something like a personal video chat with the person for $50 (or really whatever prices they wish to make the different tiers.) A lot of YouTubers use this as a way to fund their videos allowing them to buy better equipment or travel around the world making vlogs about different interestings locations!

You could always become a sugar baby, I mean that’s not really my thing but I can get behind the mentality of having all your needs being met in exchange for companionship. Also who knows, maybe they’ll leave you something in their will in memory of time spent together.

Become a YouTuber! Honestly this is an extremely lucrative field right now if you can manage to stand out from the crowd, consistently upload, and steadily work to build a good subscriber amount. YouTubers have tons of chances to make money from monetizing their videos, doing product placement, playing ads before their videos, and the list goes on and on. Sometimes they even go on to use what they learned from youtube to create movies or web series, maybe break into the acting business. Honestly if you have the time, desire, honesty, and equipment to become a YouTuber I say go for it! Even if you don’t become famous you’ll learn some neat skills with editing and filming and who knows, maybe one day something will come from it all.

If you’re a super fast typer unlike me, than I would recommend transcribing. There are always available job posts for it that only require an internet connection to complete. Just listen to what’s being said and type it down as quickly as you can, if you really want to invest in this than get yourself a medical transcription license. Due to all of the complex medical jargon they have a much higher pay rate than regular transcribing jobs, although if you can speak multiple languages you could transcribe other languages into english which is also a higher paying type of transcribing.

Ever wonder who takes all of those stock photo pictures? Well nowadays there are multiple sites and apps that you can use to sell pictures you’ve taken as stock footage. They don’t pay you a huge amount but if you’re constantly bringing in quality of different varieties than this can quickly become a wonderful little side hustle. Some sites will take raw unedited photos so if you can’t edit, no worries, you’re fine. You can still sell photos!

There are a few other ways I can think of off the top of my head but I think i’ll save that for another post. I was thinking of maybe turning these supplementary income posts as a bit of a series, these days there are countless avenues out there. You just need to actually be aware that they exist and are actually valid options for generating income, sometimes we think ‘oh there’s no way to make money doing that’ but with such a large amount of consumers out there these days, there’s almost always a way to make money off of somehing.

On a side note what do you guys think about podcasts? I recently became aware that wordpress has a function which allows you to post podcasts to your site along with simultaneously posting them over on Apple Podcasts and the Google Play Store among other podcast hosting sites. I’m not entirely sure what I would discuss on there but the appeal is strong, i’m thinking maybe twenty minute podcasts around once a week for a posting schedule as that could give me time to brainstorm what to talk about. But who knows? I’m also considering starting out on YouTube myself but once again I need to consider content, I mean odds are most of it will be rather similar in nature to my blog but that’ll just make it even harder not to wind up repeating topics. Although I guess if they’re all on separate platforms it could be fine? Anyways those are thoughts for another time, as of right now it’s time for me to wish you all peace, love, and tranquil vibes!

C.C.

Planning For The Future.

I spent the last few days just meditating and planning out where i’m going to go with things, along with watching some videos and gleaning bits of knowledge. To be perfectly honest i’m still not one hundred percent sure on any of my decisions and some of them are constantly changing in my head. But I do know this, this blog is going to be up for at least a year. During this year i’m going to add an instagram account linked to the page, in fact i’ve already done so! You can find me @fadetostay if you’d like to check thing out, i’m going to be posting at least once or twice a week but that may change in the future.

All of the videos I was watching were telling me things like “Don’t be idle.” “Make yourself useful.” I mean it’s things we tell children right? But nonetheless these sayings still hold true no matter what your age is. In this day and age all around us we see creators and consumers; the people who walk around day and night spending money on things they think they really want but don’t actually need, and the people who are always creating, releasing new content and drawing in more and more consumers. Some of those creators even help teach others to create! Which is where they make their income, well not income I guess but more like how they build their brand up to the point that they can start finding ways to generate an income from it. (Which is technically different, right?…right?)

I think depending on what I can get going with this blog and Instagram I might even begin attempting to generate some sort of YouTube presence. As InfiniteWaters says “Video has the largest domain right night now.” And if i’m ever going to get to the point of being able to use blogging, videos, and social media as my main sources of income than i’m going to have to start somewhere right? On the upside I already have a tiny bit of experience with this from my Acting! Take that everyone who said an arts degree was useless! Ha ha! Sorry, that was quite gratifying. Also I should clarify i’m not apologizing for any other reason than i’m canadian and that’s just what we do, ^-^

Do you know what every single one of the big, super popular, tons of followers, content creators say? At one point they’ll all recommend you getting yourself a website, it’s how they grew their own brands usually. They all talk about it along with the phrases “Consistency is key.” or “Stay focused.” “Be confident.” “Be bold.” “Stop waiting!” and my favorite “Always ask yourself ‘how is this working for me?'” But you know why they all constantly say these phrases? These daily motivators and tidbits to keep you going? Because they work. Honest, they’re all one hundred percent true. If you follow all of those things in this day and age with the technology and resources available to us, all while living truthfully and following what you love, you will find an avenue to succeed. All it takes is a little time and discipline, which are honestly two things I need to manage way better for myself and I will going forwards. I know I keep saying i’m going to get back into posting every single day and letting it go, but i’m saying it once more. Hopefully for the last time for a long while.

I might try learning how to automate things, like posts for social media. That way I can always have some more posts on the way even if I end up needing a day off from writing. For now though i’ve got to hop over to instagram and toss up a post or two, I hope you took something from this. I always feel like I end up teaching myself more about any topic I begin to write about, but then again they say the best way to learn is to teach!

As always, peace, love, and tranquil vibes,

C.C.

Happy With What You’ve Got But Strive For..

My apologies for missing another day’s post! Some friends of mine dropped by for the night so we ended up losing track of time. Oddly enough we all woke up with slight hangovers.. I wonder why? On a totally unrelated topic, Peach Bellini is incredibly delicious. Like really, really dealicious. Of course mayhaps the cheap hipster beers also had something to do with it, maybe. ^-^

Anyways do you ever have those nights where you just sit in the dark all alone with your computer/phone/tablet, earbuds in or headphones on, and some beautiful music taking you out of your body. I love getting lost in the music. It’s like your laptop screen and it’s little glow become the only things in existence. It’s just so incredibly tranquil; I wish I could carry the feeling of it throughout an entire day. It would be so much easier to do anything without caring about others opinions, but alas that’s why we have the phrase social anxiety.

A friend of mine on instagram is often laughing or out having a fun time while livestreaming it all. For ages i’ve wondered how she manages to keep that smile up every day, like some of those days have to be a mask right? She can’t truly always be that happy. But then I was scrolling through their insta story and there was a certain quote she once heard that she attributes it all to, it’s so wonderfully simple, but powerful words nonetheless “If you want a happy life you just gotta be happy with what you got, but still strive for better.” It’s certainly not wrong, although it should also include meditation! 😛

As a species I feel like we need to become better at living in the moment. Like essential day to day mindfulness has become such a minor thing now that we’re all caught up with planning things months in advance and constantly rushing to things. We spend so much time living in the future that we’re becoming less grounded, needing our phones or at least something attention grabbing to be happening in order for us to truly be paying attention to, experiencing, and being present in, the moment. The now. I don’t remember who said it (although it may be from Kung Fu Panda) “The past is history, the future is a mystery, and the now is a gift which is why we call it the present.” Now that i’m thinking about it I feel like it’s Master Oogway, but regardless it’s a wonderful expression.

It’s a wonderful feeling to still see new people popping up regardless of my few missed days, I appreciate you! It’s about 4AM where i’m at so I feel like I should probably head to bed soon, I mean i’m not that tired but I feel kind of out of sorts so I know my mind’s exhausted. I love when friends drop by, but by golly people that don’t slow down and enjoy life along with the natural silences that come from a lull in a conversation are exhausting! Such is the curse of an introvert, craving other people but like a cat you’ll, after an indeterminate amount of time just be like ‘yep, these people exist but i’m just going to go chill over there with like a book or something.’ the isolation allows us to recharge our batteries you could say. I’ll crave physical contact but just casually chill in my room meditating and reading instead of seeking it, I mean not all the time, i’ll sometimes end up texting people and being enticed out with the promise of food haha.

Anyways keep spreading the Peace, Love, and those Tranquil Vibes everyone!

C.C.

Back At It!!

Wow I seem to be pretty bad at staying at this. I lasted for a few weeks but all of a sudden I realized it’s been a week since I blogged and I don’t really remember stopping. Well, I mean I do since I mentioned I may not be posting for a bit but I didn’t think it’d last an entire week! Regardless though, I had a pretty great trip. We went out to the clubs, danced the night away, stumbled home, and binged the first three seasons of Game Of Thrones. I refused to watch the show until now since I read the books and all of the character just looked wrong and I couldn’t stop holding each episode up to books and well, they were good but just couldn’t match up to the novels.

Anyways I think I might attempt writing a book. I keep finding myself reading away my hours in every ounce of spare time so my days are just slipping me by. I’m starting to wonder if i’ve read enough over the years to just up and write a fiction book. I’ve got a few different ideas but I can’t entirely decide on which one i’d like to start with. That’s my biggest problem, i’d get halfway through and then get super hyped up for a new book idea and start working on that one instead. It would just continue happening resulting in tons of unfinished books. Although then again I try to be rather positive and uplifting on this blog so mayhaps i’ll just take to it like a duck to water!

Even if i’m not a natural at it i’d like to continue working away on writing a book. There are so many worlds in my mind that i’d love to share with people, so many stories, so many lives. I’m not properly sure I can do them justice with my words but i’ll strive to get there someday! Did you know that the reason Stephen King has written so many books is because he just sat down and wrote a minimum of two pages a day every single day? That’s it. That’s the secret. Just keep working on it and eventually you’ll get there. Plus there are so many people out there who’ve taken the time to write books, it may not be the simplest thing in the world but by golly it certainly can’t be the hardest due to the sheer volume of new books published every day.

I think i’d like to write fantasy but what sort of fantasy should I write? Something kind of like a Miyazaki movie? Or maybe a bit darker like a Game of Thrones gritty realism type of fantasy? I just can’t decide, but i’ll get there! And of course i’ll keep you all updated on how the writing process goes, maybe even post the occasional excerpts.

Have any of you ever tried writing a book? If so than what’d you write about? Was it fiction or non-fiction? Was it just a short fanfiction type of thing or did you actually go the whole nine yards and go through finding a publisher and having your book pop up on the shelves of stores? I can’t help but feel that it’s so wonderfully exciting, writing books I mean. You’re literally creating worlds, populating those worlds, and then allowing others to bear witness to tales from that world. I’m just a huge fan of all the power found within the written word!

Anyways how was this for a comeback post eh? Maybe not the best since i’m still just talking about my personal life somewhat rather than giving ‘articles’ about different tips and tricks which have been done thousands of times over. Of course they haven’t been done by me yet so i’ll gladly put my spin on them but I don’t really want that to be the bulk of my posting. It just feels so impersonal on a platform where I feel the most moved to be personal, but they’re necessary and i’m always a fan of spreading information!

As always i’d like to wish you all peace, love, and some of those amazingly wonderful tranquil vibes!

C.C.

Train Travel

Don’t you enjoy that feeling of travel? The swaying of a train’s compartments as you barrel along the track, that mild panic of ‘Is this the right line? Am I going to miss it?’, followed by that relief of accepting that you’re on and locked in for your destination so correct or not that’s where you’re going. I love those feelings. They’re just so incredibly terrifying but addicting to me!

I love walking on to the train and discovering if you’re going to have company on your journey. Discovering what sort of person that company is going to be. Where are they going? Where did they come from? Will they join you in conversation or just plug some earbuds in resulting in both of you tuning the other out and just jamming to music. I love all of that, it’s just so wonderfully exciting to me. Especially when it’s not just localized to a single country because then you get strangers from all over the world! Oh the places they’ve been and the stories they could tell.

If anyone was wondering what spurred this latest post well, currently I’m on a Via Rail train straight out from Toronto. Why am I blogging instead of enjoying the window view you may ask? Well the lottery of partners passengers ended up with me having a rather demurely pretty woman who’s age I estimate to be within a couple years of mine, she’s got amazingly porcelain skin though so of course she needs to close the curtain over the window to stay out of the tanning rays of sunlight! I don’t mind when this happens by the way, it just makes the trip peaceful/productive in a different way than staring out the window and soaking up the sunlight, it certainly makes it so you have a smaller chance of overheating though!

I always seem to find interesting ways to occupy my time on trains. The last time I was on a train I was coming back from Quebec City and I was separated from my family sitting with this college student that turned out to be a criminal psychologist student, I remember she wasn’t a huge fan of the program though and had been talking about transferring at some point. Not sure if she ever got around to it though. Ah well.

Trains are a wonderful place for people watching in my opinion. There’s all sorts of people from different walks of life seated all around you, bi-lingual stewards/stewardesses walking up and down the train, there’s often not going to ever be a bland train car. Like you’re very, very, very, likely to never get on a train that’s only filled with people of a single demographic. It’s just not going to happen, the odds are astronomical.

Anyways, what do you all love about trains? Do you like their look? The feel of taking a journey by train? How it’s slightly old timey? Heck, maybe you enjoy that clickety clack of the train barreling over the rails. Whatever it is though, I feel we can all agree that trains are a pretty wonderful form of travel that both relaxing, and convenient.

Peace, love, and tranquil vibes,

C.C.