“My formula for living is quite simple, I get up in the morning and I go to bed at night. In between, I occupy myself as best I can.”Cary Grant
“With any part you play, there is a certain amount of yourself in it. There has to be, otherwise it’s not just acting. It’s lying.”Johnny Depp
Why do you dream of travel? For me I have always felt that I enjoy being rooted, but I don’t want to be tied down if that makes sense? Like I want to have someone with me that I can use as my rock or an anchor if you will, like you have a good connection and work well together. But at the same time I don’t wanna be tied down to staying in the same physical location all the time, like I constantly want new scenarios and I enjoy meeting new people. There are so many different opportunities that can arise from travelling this world, like I don’t get how so many people just grow up and eventually die in their hometown or even like just their home state/province. Like just go out and travel people! There’s so much out there, so many different cultures, different types of food, even just like different forms of nature flora and fauna, and it’s just so incredibly gorgeous how diverse this world is.
I feel like a big problem for me in my life is that i’ve always felt the need for constant change. You know like when I was young I would just jump between friend group to friend group, I just had to change things up or i’d get bored you know? So it just made sense to constantly change up the group of people I would talk to. When I graduated high school I am pretty much left a good portion of my old friends behind and focused on making a bunch of new connections in college. A lot of those people just changed who they were or I changed and we just didn’t click like we had used to, however some of them I did a social experiment on just out of curiosity and that sort of went, well yeah let’s just leave it at a social experiment but most of them took the worst outcome they could’ve chosen so yeah; it was time for a change. I mean i’ve still got a bunch of people from back then whom i’m still super close with, and of course there’s also others that I grew up with as like childhood best friends and we just went down entirely different paths in our lives. But I don’t know, it’s kind of hard going a different direction from the people you usually would be around. I mean I know you’ll eventually manifest and attract a whole new friend group based on the new things that you’re now into but people are always sad about leaving one another behind. I mean we try not to completely lose touch but sometimes you just do, sometimes people just change differently overtime and that’s life. That’s how we grow.
I feel like I’ve been changing a lot lately so it’ll make sense to me if I lose some people in the coming times of my life. There’s been this sort of awkward energy lately between us and I know it stems from all my mediation type stuff since all of that has really been changing me recently and i’m beginning to give it more value in my life, like i’m really holding this vested interest in spirituality, meditation, being present in the moment, and all of this social media/content creation stuff. I’m just noticing some people’s attitudes beginning to change as they just don’t get it. Like I know that this has all been causing a wonderful positive upswing in both my life and mood lately and I know it’s beneficial to me, like this is the path I need to be walking down right now. And part of me somewhat thinks they might come to understand it, like they could get it, maybe..but I’m really not sure whether or not I want to stay with them long enough to find out. Who knows though, whether they’ll come to join me in the same state of mind or not. But I guess we’ll find out!
What’s your favourite thing about travel? For me I’d have to say I love the smells in the new areas, just listening to people talk in different languages every day, and I especially love the food, along with the smell of the food, and all the different spices that just waft into your nose as you walk along the street! I also just feel way more energized when I travel, like I’ll get up in the morning and walk over to the bathroom, open the window, lean out over the balcony, and take in a huge breath of fresh air! I don’t feel lethargic when I travel and wake up in the morning, like I don’t wait around my bed just lounging for a couple hours on my phone being like ‘I can’t get out of bed, ugh.’ No, when i’m travelling and that alarm goes off i’m up and out the door speedy quick, I’ll try and emulate that when I’m not travelling sometimes however that energy you get from travelling which helps make it so easy to get up and go places, it just doesn’t seem to hang around for very long.
Also I feel like I should mention that most of this post has been made by me just talking into the microphone of my phone and having it just use the speech to text function built into it. So I’m going to go back and correct as much of the grammar as possible (or at least as much as I notice in this quick skim through) because I can see it spelling some things incorrectly as I speak this paragraph out loud. So yea if I miss anything and you find a typo or weird bit of grammer, that’s why it’s there, probably. I mean I didn’t go to college for English but I feel like my grammer’s pretty good, I spent way too much time reading and writing for it to not be at the bare minimum, adequate. Anyways that’s it for today’s post! It would’ve been up earlier but Danny Reitzloff *moon hawk* started a livestream on instagram so I had to go and hang out there for a bit of course. I actually really enjoy writing out posts while watching someone’s live stream, it helps keep the inspiration coming and renews my beliefs in the power of content creation. But yea, that’s all folks! I wish you all so much peace, love, and tranquil vibrations!
I know I briefly touched on this in my old post Somewhat Solution To The Sad Times but I felt it needed to be touched on again due to recent events. What do you do on those days where you just don’t feel like getting out of bed? The days where your whole entire being feels heavy, weighed down by the chemicals in your head. By chemicals i’m referring to the imbalance which causes depression. Depression is something i’ve known like a brother for the past 8-9 years, it crept up with just the occasional downswing to show it was coming. Before I knew it, it decided to move in. Things went from just feeling heavy and struggling to get out of bed, to the word suicide holding the same connotation in my head as a puppy. Things got extremely bad, but after several stupid decisions and a few failed actions, I began to gain some acceptance of this life.
Obviously I must be meant to be here regardless of my thoughts otherwise on the matter, else i’d already be long gone. The feelings have never truly gone away and I can always feel those thoughts lurking in the back of my mind, sneaking in any time they notice a point of weakness. It’s alright though, i’ve come to welcome this duality into my life. So many hours spent on thoughts about death and dying just serve to contrast the brighter parts of life making them even more evident. Surrendering to the universe i’ve decided whatever will happen will happen, and the moment I made that decision it was as if I was no longer carrying as heavy of a weight! So i’m not sure if depression ever goes away for those of us who are truly depressed, but I have learned that if you can change the way you see and interact with your depression than it WILL get easier. Even if just by a tiny bit.
I find it’s helpful to set tasks for yourself, just little things that force you out of bed at some point in the day. Once you’re out of bed allow yourself the comfort of a nice long warm shower, but make sure not to let your mind wander too much into heavier territory, just focus on the sensations of the water pounding your back, the steam caressing your skin, the warmth enveloping your bones; be present in the moment. Grab some earbuds and go for a short walk around your neighbourhood. Breathe in some deep breaths of fresh air savouring the feeling of freshness, feel a light breeze wrap around you in the ghost of a hug from mother earth, listen to those birds crying out their joy for life to the world, feel the warmth of the sun on your face; lose yourself in it. Once again these are all just different ways to stay present in the moment, but really that’s one of the most beneficial things you can do when you’re under siege by your own head.
For a time I tried using various forms of escapism before I realized what I was doing, and while they did allow me to step away from my thoughts I would always be right back with them afterwards without anything to truly show for it. I devoured books at an insane pace, plowing through multiple series in a week, I binged thousand of anime episodes, countless tv shows, movies, devoted insane amounts of hours into video games. But you know what? None of that was ever more than a temporary fix, a patch job, a band-aid on a gaping head wound. They would somewhat delay the end result but they wouldn’t have any other benefits. I mean I guess I could argue some of my writing ability came from all of that reading but seeing as most of it was fantasy I didn’t really learn much which couldn’t be found in an english class room over a much considerably shorter span of time.
So if things are going bad, like game over time to start a new file level bad. Change something in your life. Please stop waiting for others to come and help you, stop wallowing in the sadness, reveling in the sad music, vibing along to words of knives and bullets through the head. Stop running past scenarios over and over again in your head focusing on that empty, hollow, throbbing pain inside your chest. Please. None of that’s going to help you and just giving in and letting it swallow you up will be something you’ll always regret. Forever looking back and wondering exactly when things got so bad that you decided you didn’t want this life anymore. And I truly hate more than anything that people can relate to feeling this way, if there’s anyone reading this who hasn’t already done so and they’re feeling like they’re standing at an edge of a precipice, please, please, please confide in just a few people. Even if just one or two, allow them to help you hold that weight on your shoulders, and if you don’t have anyone to turn to than find someone! Your parents, therapists, a community of strangers online, new friends, whichever you choose just please don’t try to go it alone, I can tell you from experience that it never works well. And if you choose to go it alone, well if you’re one of the lucky ones you’ll live with the scars over your soul thinking of all you’ve done or tried to do because of this illness. Please don’t do that to yourself, I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.
I started this post planning to write about different things I do to lift my mood when i’m feeling low, instead I spent my time opening up about things I never expected to be telling random strangers on the internet. But the thought of this post helping even just a single person by giving them something to relate to, well it makes it something I almost feel as if I HAVE to post. If opening up about my past experiences and telling life stories to strangers has a chance to help people than the decision is an easy one. Which is kind of odd for me to think about because growing up I was an extremely private person who would go to great lengths in order to avoid opening up to anyone outside of my super close-knit friend group, heck even they didn’t know everything about me! In fact I specifically remember one of them talking to me about how they’d never seen me truly angry or sad and they complimented me on always being so calm even though that was the base emotion I had decided to put forward and wear like armor; I didn’t want anyone knowing exactly how broken I felt every day, and you know what it’s done for me? It led to two of my friends taking their own lives feeling there was no one they could relate to when all along I was right there and could have talked to them about it. Don’t put yourself in a position like that, I promise you it’ll feel like poison in your soul.
Anyways this got extremely dark and i’m super sorry for all of that everyone! Please try to always take the time to look after your earthly bodies as well as your spiritual half, their duality is what allows us this beautiful human experience. I wish each and every one of you the very best and I hope you continue moving forwards through this life! If you’re ever feeling really low and just need someone to talk to than shoot me a message over on instagram @fadetostay and i’ll do my best to get back to you. Continue living in the moment and spreading the peace, love, and those beautiful tranquil vibes!