Quote Of The Day #20

“I feel like we can learn a lot by observing nature, from lightning we can learn to always change direction when needed in order to arrive at the destination.”

~C.C.

A Love Like Falling

Loving her, is like falling.

That weak limbed, newborn creature

Who’s barely graduated from crawling.

New pudgy limbs, weak and bruised from trying to walk.

Tear stained cheeks left over from the overflowing stormy rivers that is bawling.

Loving her, is like arguing with a toddler.

Get her food, wake her from naps, and coax her out when she’s stonewalling.

Every single fight, reverts to name calling.

She’s, she’s worth it.

See, loving her is like, it’s like falling.

It’s so absolutely effortless, right up until the ground hits.

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As always people, keep spreading all the peace, love, and tranquil vibes you can!

C.C.

Future Content, Anxiety, And Self Improvement.

So I keep changing my mind a little bit about what sort of content I want to be consistently uploading. Like what sort of content just comes to me naturally and I have a vested interest in which would allow me to constantly churn stuff out? So far i’ve been on the thought process of doing meditation hippy type stuff, maybe even branching into the plant teacher side of things since marijuana is now legal over here in canada and psilocybin mushrooms just became decriminalized in Denver so I feel like there’s sort of an upswing in the movement for discussion on the potential benefits of these various plant teachers. However i’ve also heard about a lot of people running into trouble trying to talk about these things over various platforms, i’m also not sure how many people i’d be driving away if I began releasing that sort of content since a lot of people are pretty outspoken in their disapproval for such things. To the point that I know multiple people from YouTube whose channels got deleted because of videos where they consumed marijuana because for some reason they no longer count as ‘educational’. See you used to be able to post content with these different substances so long as they were made with educational intentions so people can learn more about them, you could sometimes stretch what was defined as educational content pretty far too! But ah well, most of the weedtubers I know just went and created their own site after banding together, I think it’s TheWeedTube.com so feel free to check that out if it’s your thing.

I know that I want to do some travel stuff and i’m thinking of picking up vlogging. I currently only have a GoPro5 Black and a little Lav mic along with an Ipad Air2 which I picked up a neat little lens for, I mean I know it’s not much and it’s certainly not the best equipment but I could certainly start creating with what i’ve got! Plus when I bought my GoPro it came with the Karma drone and Grip/gimble so i’m fairly confident I could get some quality shots from interesting perspectives! I will admit it’s a bit daunting to begin though, every time I watch someone’s videos whom I admire I end up scrolling back to their first few and seeing what they were like. At which point I get all in my head wondering if that’s what the videos i’ll make when I first begin are going to be like and I get all “oh gosh, they’re just so horrible. Like they’re incredibly cringy!” And I just know that one day i’ll be looking back at my first videos no matter how good they are and being all like ‘Oh my gosh, what were you doing!?!?!’ I know part of that is just my own self image and social anxiety but it’s also like a learning curve you know? Your first videos will always be awful since you’re just starting out and you haven’t quite learned what you will by constantly making videos, I mean sure you might have a ton of theoretical knowledge but until you go out and pick up that camera it’s just a framework of information you need to build on.

I’ve missed out on a lot of things in my life due to social anxiety so this is something that I made knowing that it kind of can’t be ruined by that. It’s a lot easier to disregard what other people think or their opinions of you when it’s through a screen like this, like no one can see me mess up or do anything awkward cause there’s no visual. At the same time though I know I need to work at getting over that social anxiety which is part of why I keep trying to push myself into making videos or podcasts. When I was little I really wanted to learn to dance, to dance and to sing. But being a young boy from a small town that was mostly populated by old people and farmers, there was no way to do so without becoming a target. If a young boy did those things in my hometown they would’ve been classified as gay with all that hate speech every day that comes with the title, it didn’t matter what this boy was into sexually. If his interests were considered feminine rather than MANLY things like sports or farming than he would become a punching bag for practically anyone, so I never learned to dance or sing at that age. Honestly I still haven’t learned to dance, I get really bad anxiety doing it and even ended up having a few panic attacks from being made to dance by friends. I don’t understand it since I love watching dance videos and at one point for drama I managed to squeak into an 80’s choreographed dance and I absolutely nailed it, loving every second, but then it was over and in the past. Even now I hate going into clubs or other dance situations and will often wind up either at the bar or just straight up outside of the venue, although I suppose hearing about tons of friends having really bad experiences in clubs I sometimes feel like i’m dodging a bullet.

What I meant to say in that last blurb though was that it’s interesting to watch what even just thirty days of blogging have done for me. I mean there’s not a huge amount of changes but simply knowing that there’s this whole community on here supporting ourselves and each other, it’s just so much easier to see how small and miniscule some random person’s opinion of you is. Like i’ve noticed when i’m hanging out with friends now i’ve begun loosening up a bit more and actually like talking and contributing to discussions rather than just being that friend who’s always listening and nodding just sort of lending comfort and support with their presence. It’s kind of funny actually, some people i’ve noticed became so used to just being able to keep talking and talking around me that when I try and comment on something they said they’ll get visibly irate for a few seconds before remembering this was supposed to be a dialogue rather than a monologue. It’s just neat.

I’ve also been constantly having like, mini revelations about myself and who I am as a person due to constantly having to hold myself accountable. Like I’m really starting to notice some of my flaws and realizing ways to change them, or at least realizing that they have the ability to be fixed if I do the right things. So I don’t know, I feel like i’m kind of going through a transformation with who I am inside and who I want to be, but also like, sort of remembering myself before my last relationship. My last relationship went on for quite a number of years starting in the earlier years of highschool and lasting well into college. So in other words, most of the time that you usually spend figuring yourself out as a person, we were figuring things out as a couple which of course meant compromises. These last couple years, but the most recent year mostly, i’ve been somewhat in a state of isolation. I moved to a new city, didn’t go out and meet people or get a job, I just sort of meditated and existed in my house occasionally hanging out with my roommate. This of course was a much different scenario than my surrounding had been in recent years, there was sort of this cut off from myself and other people as if I only existed in my own little sphere of reality.

Did I squander my first year living in Toronto? Most definitely! There were so many events and activities going on that I knew nothing about or just had no one to go with so instead I began journeying inward into the soul and well i’m not financially set or anything like that at all right now, I do have a much clearer state of mind and i’m finding it way easier to focus on things. Of course with all this time being cooped up my wanderlust is practically through the roof right now!

Anyways once again I meant to make a post about what types of content I was planning to release and instead ended up typing about social anxiety, a past relationship, and finding myself. Maybe that’s a potential theme? Doing motivational posts about mental health and finding myself, there’s probably not a large following for that unfortunately but who knows. Plus I guess the main point of this wasn’t for me to make money or a career, the main point of this blog was to have a space I could constantly talk about whatever topics I felt like and maybe help a few people along the way and so far? That’s what i’m doing.

Peace, love, and tranquil vibes everyone!

C.C.

Happy With What You’ve Got But Strive For..

My apologies for missing another day’s post! Some friends of mine dropped by for the night so we ended up losing track of time. Oddly enough we all woke up with slight hangovers.. I wonder why? On a totally unrelated topic, Peach Bellini is incredibly delicious. Like really, really dealicious. Of course mayhaps the cheap hipster beers also had something to do with it, maybe. ^-^

Anyways do you ever have those nights where you just sit in the dark all alone with your computer/phone/tablet, earbuds in or headphones on, and some beautiful music taking you out of your body. I love getting lost in the music. It’s like your laptop screen and it’s little glow become the only things in existence. It’s just so incredibly tranquil; I wish I could carry the feeling of it throughout an entire day. It would be so much easier to do anything without caring about others opinions, but alas that’s why we have the phrase social anxiety.

A friend of mine on instagram is often laughing or out having a fun time while livestreaming it all. For ages i’ve wondered how she manages to keep that smile up every day, like some of those days have to be a mask right? She can’t truly always be that happy. But then I was scrolling through their insta story and there was a certain quote she once heard that she attributes it all to, it’s so wonderfully simple, but powerful words nonetheless “If you want a happy life you just gotta be happy with what you got, but still strive for better.” It’s certainly not wrong, although it should also include meditation! 😛

As a species I feel like we need to become better at living in the moment. Like essential day to day mindfulness has become such a minor thing now that we’re all caught up with planning things months in advance and constantly rushing to things. We spend so much time living in the future that we’re becoming less grounded, needing our phones or at least something attention grabbing to be happening in order for us to truly be paying attention to, experiencing, and being present in, the moment. The now. I don’t remember who said it (although it may be from Kung Fu Panda) “The past is history, the future is a mystery, and the now is a gift which is why we call it the present.” Now that i’m thinking about it I feel like it’s Master Oogway, but regardless it’s a wonderful expression.

It’s a wonderful feeling to still see new people popping up regardless of my few missed days, I appreciate you! It’s about 4AM where i’m at so I feel like I should probably head to bed soon, I mean i’m not that tired but I feel kind of out of sorts so I know my mind’s exhausted. I love when friends drop by, but by golly people that don’t slow down and enjoy life along with the natural silences that come from a lull in a conversation are exhausting! Such is the curse of an introvert, craving other people but like a cat you’ll, after an indeterminate amount of time just be like ‘yep, these people exist but i’m just going to go chill over there with like a book or something.’ the isolation allows us to recharge our batteries you could say. I’ll crave physical contact but just casually chill in my room meditating and reading instead of seeking it, I mean not all the time, i’ll sometimes end up texting people and being enticed out with the promise of food haha.

Anyways keep spreading the Peace, Love, and those Tranquil Vibes everyone!

C.C.

Train Travel

Don’t you enjoy that feeling of travel? The swaying of a train’s compartments as you barrel along the track, that mild panic of ‘Is this the right line? Am I going to miss it?’, followed by that relief of accepting that you’re on and locked in for your destination so correct or not that’s where you’re going. I love those feelings. They’re just so incredibly terrifying but addicting to me!

I love walking on to the train and discovering if you’re going to have company on your journey. Discovering what sort of person that company is going to be. Where are they going? Where did they come from? Will they join you in conversation or just plug some earbuds in resulting in both of you tuning the other out and just jamming to music. I love all of that, it’s just so wonderfully exciting to me. Especially when it’s not just localized to a single country because then you get strangers from all over the world! Oh the places they’ve been and the stories they could tell.

If anyone was wondering what spurred this latest post well, currently I’m on a Via Rail train straight out from Toronto. Why am I blogging instead of enjoying the window view you may ask? Well the lottery of partners passengers ended up with me having a rather demurely pretty woman who’s age I estimate to be within a couple years of mine, she’s got amazingly porcelain skin though so of course she needs to close the curtain over the window to stay out of the tanning rays of sunlight! I don’t mind when this happens by the way, it just makes the trip peaceful/productive in a different way than staring out the window and soaking up the sunlight, it certainly makes it so you have a smaller chance of overheating though!

I always seem to find interesting ways to occupy my time on trains. The last time I was on a train I was coming back from Quebec City and I was separated from my family sitting with this college student that turned out to be a criminal psychologist student, I remember she wasn’t a huge fan of the program though and had been talking about transferring at some point. Not sure if she ever got around to it though. Ah well.

Trains are a wonderful place for people watching in my opinion. There’s all sorts of people from different walks of life seated all around you, bi-lingual stewards/stewardesses walking up and down the train, there’s often not going to ever be a bland train car. Like you’re very, very, very, likely to never get on a train that’s only filled with people of a single demographic. It’s just not going to happen, the odds are astronomical.

Anyways, what do you all love about trains? Do you like their look? The feel of taking a journey by train? How it’s slightly old timey? Heck, maybe you enjoy that clickety clack of the train barreling over the rails. Whatever it is though, I feel we can all agree that trains are a pretty wonderful form of travel that both relaxing, and convenient.

Peace, love, and tranquil vibes,

C.C.

The First Wrinkle

Well dang, there I was doing so well at making an obligatory post without missing a single day before this happened. Even with that cold I still managed to put some stuff out even though it wasn’t super long or fact filled. Well there’s the first of a new category of lessons, we all fall down sometimes. We all have lapses in priority or concentration. But that’s okay.

Sure we all fall down sometimes and sure some of us take a little bit longer to get back up, but the fact of the matter is; we always get up again. Falling down; failure, is practically a requirement of learning. Eventually you may get to the point where a fall feels more like a stumble than an actual fall! A point where by the time you’ve begun falling you’re already started on picking yourself back up again!

I’m back to travelling around a little bit, even though it’s still within the borders of Canada. Today I’m off to London! It’s a lot smaller than Toronto but it’s got great people, a lot of my high school friends went to college there, and it’s got some delightful little clubs! I’d recommend Lavish if you were in a clubbing mood while visiting, it’s got a much nicer and more welcoming vibe than most of the other clubs I’ve visited there. Plus it’s lgbtq+ so however you identify you should be welcomed with open arms!

I’ll be running around the city a bunch over the next few days so we’ll see if I manage to snap some cool pictures of the area. I make no promises though since I’m planning to be mostly indoors and since there shall be festivities I’m not sure how often I’ll have those quiet shutterbug moments. I’ll try to seek some of them out though, maybe a shot of a rooftop patio or something haha.

Anyways it’s going to be great getting back into the swing of things, I’ll be trying to once again post once a day so things should pick right back up! And if not than I blame my London friends and I’ll be back up to a regular posting schedule the second I leave that place! I look forward to getting back in touch with all of you and making this blog begin to grow again! I hope you’ve all been growing in whatever aspects of life interest you as well!

Peace, love, and tranquil vibes,

C.C.