You ever wake up one day and just decide that you’re going to become a new person? Like you came to a realization about your usual habits and behaviour that you weren’t too enthused with, so you just consciously decided to change? And then you find out it’s a lot more difficult than you thought it would be when the idea first jumped inside your head and you’re not sure you’ve got what it takes to truly follow through with that shift from the norm? Me too, well in a way. I recently came to the realization that I was stagnating. I enjoy laying around relaxing, playing video games, reading, procrastinating on actual important things. In school I would always leave assignments until the eleventh hour which somehow ended up infecting other parts of my life to the point where I was constantly aware of things like bills, my dwindling bank account, soon to expire licences which I could’ve renewed online if i’d been proactive, etc. To sum it up I was basically sitting on a track watching a train come at me while pondering over the best course of action, and then sidetracking myself from thinking about that action resulting in doing absolutely nothing until it was either move or get hit by the train.
So I eventually decided to quit deliberating and actually do something. Sure my usual extracurricular were fun but if i’m being blatantly honest with myself than they’re all various forms of escapism which I was using to distract myself from having to make major decisions or listen to the thoughts going through my own head. This had to stop. I was at a point in my life where the sheer number of pathways I could now take having graduated college was so overwhelming in number that I locked up and couldn’t seem to follow any of them. All I was doing was retreating to my books day after day, to social media, to Netflix, etc. I was aware that I was simply letting everything pile up as my bank account drained itself drier and drier, so then came the question; what was I going to do now? I couldn’t very well just continue spinning my wheels in place.
So I got up, I took a shower, ate some food, and started thinking. What was I good at? How could I begin doing something productive with my life without confining myself to a cubicle or taking up a nine to five job? I thought long and hard into the night making a list of all sorts of potential avenues for me to take before I finally came to another realization. This brainstorming was all well and good but it wouldn’t actually accomplish anything. I was just on the edge of falling into a pattern of formulating hypothetical jobs/pathways throughout life, planning them all out from step one to thirty five, and then..nothing. I would have nothing to show for the time spent if I never actually went and physically followed up on step one. So I did. Then I took another step, and another. Soon enough I found myself laying the groundwork for future success, but then I started thinking and second guessing. I began undermining my own abilities in comparison to others, which brought me to my third realization.
In this world the one person you should never underestimate is yourself. You’re capable of more than you could possibly have imagined so don’t doubt yourself, don’t doubt your abilities. Why would any other person who underwent the same or similar training to you deserve a higher place in your mind? Why get into that mentality of, “I’m still new at this, they’ll probably beat me for this position, I bet they’re way more qualified.” cause maybe they are maybe they aren’t. Chances are you’re just as qualified as that stranger, you’ve taken steps to get there today just like they did. Anyways the more I started trying to make that my mindset the more things seem to work out, in part i’d attribute that to other people subconsciously noticing the confidence/self-assuredness I began projecting. But also in part to ‘The Law Of Attraction’ which when you take out most of the technical terms equates to the universe will attempt to create/provide for you those things of which your thoughts are focused on. You could also just say if you truly want it and work for it, one day chances are you’ll get it.
So I began chasing it. Day by day I began working after my dreams, putting myself out there, talking to people, making connections. This blog stemmed from my habit of reverting to escapism in my spare time, after doing it for such a long time the sudden life shift has been a hard thing to keep ahold of. Especially when I love each of the things I used as escapism, now i’ve most certainly not quit reading and the like but I began restricting myself to a certain amount of time for it each day. During that newly freed up block of time every day I began writing. At first just out of boredom if i’m being perfectly honest but it very quickly transformed into a genuine interest and enjoyment in writing. That enjoyment soon turned into a bit of a feedback loop, I would have some fun writing out some sort of post, receive likes and comments, and with each and every like or comment I became compelled to write even more.
Eventually though I decided that I wanted a place where I could truly write, not just social media sites or writing contests. I wanted the ability to grow a blog and format it however I wished. Something that could transform my writing from being just another time filling pastime to a viable use of time. I like to think this is a viable use of my time. Maybe I won’t ever get anywhere with this blog, maybe I will. Regardless I don’t think I would’ve been able to forgive myself had I left this as a ‘what if?’ rather than following through with it as I did. How many times in your life have you had the question of ‘What if?’, how many times have you tried something new only to fail but still be glad you tried? For me the answer is “not enough.” and that is something I sorely feel needs rectifying.
Dream loudly, live peacefully, and spread those loving tranquil vibes,